[IrishMe]

I"m very glad I went searching last night and found this site. I've been reading and reading and have finally found something to be thankful for this bah humbug holiday!

I'm not sure I'm seeking an answer as much as seeking support that SOMEONE understands where I'm coming from and what I'm going thru. I've been going thru so much in the past couple of years, and it's all finally catching up with me. I had it confirmed by the disibility shrink who after 15 min of talking with me calmly stated " I'm reccommending they approve you, as you are seriously clinically depressed ". I thought to myself, I could have told you that!!! Been that way for most of my life. Docs have tired meds, but it seems there is a common denominator that makes me deathly allergic to them. But then, for me, that figures!! My throat swells up, I want to swallow my tounge, and can't talk for beans when my mouth and throat don't function.

I've been self employed most of adult life, and thus have never had insurance to see a true professional long term. My GP has tried to help at the clinic I go to ( sliding scale) but she's a medical doc and can only do so much and is at her wits end on trying to find me a med. Needless to say, things have just gotten worse in the past year and I've tried to cope on my own with out meds and thru research on how to try and beat this demon within me.

In the past 2 and a half years, I have lost 2 homes, my buisness, my dear dear grandmother, my father to lung cancer, one brother to complications from AIDS, one brother to suicide by cop, my daughter to marriage, made a move halfway across the country where I know noone, and have been told just recently that I have COPD, and am trying to wait for disibility.

WHEW!!! I look back on what I have been dealing with and think..sheesh, no wonder I'm depressed! I do know this...but I'm finding it's getting worse and if I don't take some steps I'm going to hit the bottom of the barrel and stay there. I don't go anywhere anymore, if I do I'm out of breath and frustrated anyway, so why bother? I have no friends where I've moved to, people I say hi to...but no real friends. So I sit at home alone day after day after day.....I can't afford even basic things right now as I haven't been able to work since my grandmother died a little over year and a half ago. Every three months after her I was burying another family member. I'm officially an orphan now. And alone....so very alone...it's overwhelming me.

With my breathing probs...with no medical care...my social life has become nothing. People are tired of inviting me because I'm just to tired to ever do anything with them. My daughter who lives in another state just seems to have no clue. It could be worse she says, think of others worse than you she says. It's not that bad..it's what you make it. And SHE'S a social worker in the corrections dept! <big sigh>

So now it's another holiday....and everyone is gone. On top of that, I have landlord issues. I have no stove, have mold issues, critters in my rental, and until disibilty comes thru no way to move. I'm stuck and alone and I just sit here and cry and cry....and it seems like everything is just catching up with me and I don't know how to stop it from getting any worse. With my COPD and already dealing with the depression, the new limits with my health are giving me a general lack of concern for my own well being. I know I should quit smoking, but figure why bother? To prolong my misery by another 2-5 years?

I'm thankful this board is here...the lack of mental centers here in New Orleans is severly lacking in it's recovery since Katrina. What is here is so overwhelmed noone gets what they really need. Not unless you can afford a private doc...

Thanks for reading my oh so long post....It was nice being able to put everything I have been dealing with on the table and not hear " oh time heals all wounds" or "this to shall pass and is normal". I've quit talking to most of my old friends...they just don't get it and are totally non supportive. Or the friend that say " oh I have that to" and then goes on and on about how " it's just the blues and you'll get over it". People are buttheads.

I'll be reading a lot here...trying to find resources that will maybe help me put a few things in perspective, and help me fight this without meds. I'm not sure I can....With all my current issues at hand, I just don't see it getting better anytime soon. And the holiday's are just going to make it worse since I'll be alone this year. And that's a big part of me right now...I feel so alone and trapped it's downright scarey. Thank heaven for the internet or I'd just give up and say screw it, why bother.

<big sigh>

Welcome, IrishMe. Yes, being alone and depressed is very difficult. Please continue to post. We will try to be here for you as best we can.

[Rohag]

Welcome, IrishMe!

• It could be worse
• think of others worse than you
• It's not that bad
• it's what you make it
• time heals all wounds
• this too shall pass and is normal
• I have that too...it's just the blues and you'll get over it

Ah, some of the classics! Someday - energy and focus permitting - it would be nice to collect these "helpful" sayings and their brethren in a single thread.

Wow! You've been struck from all sides: psychological, physical, life traumas and changes, etc. Congratulations on summoning the energy to join and post!

PS: What is this "social life" you speak of...?

Welcome to PC, IrishMe!

Wow what a life story! You've really had and still have a lot going on. It's about time YOU got at least some cyber TLC.



/daynnight

[Miracle1986]

Welcome to PC IrishMe

[IrishMe]

Awwww Thanks everyone!

It really does mean a lot to know that someone at least understands and I can vent and not be told all the classics.

I checked the mail today and I'm hoping no news is good new with the disibiltiy? Not knowing anything is depressing in itself isn't it?

Thanks again for all the responses and welcomes!! I have a feeling this might become my new home for awhile. And Rohag, a social life is something we used to do to have fun, but I"ve forgotten what it is.

[lonegael]

((((Irishme))))) In all good fun, a social life is what you sound like you have with the critters in your apartment We have them too, big brown rats that are hanging on from the time there was livestock on the farm. Welcome, and I hope you enjoy posting here!

[Berries]

(((((((IrishMe)))))))

You have come to the right place.

[tonih]

Dear IrishMe and welcome! I am fairly new to pc , but have already found people here to be helpful and supportive. One question....while waiting on your disability, do you qualify for medicaid? It may be worth a try. As far as your med go, there are programs that can help with payment etc. Try surfing a bit on the ole pc. You may find something of use. In the meantime, you are not alone. the road to disability is difficult. hang in and continue to post. Hugs from a fellow depressee!

[IrishMe]

ToniH,

No I don't qualify for medicaid until I get the disibilty. I'm not a senior, nor am I a mother with children. I've tried. One good thing is the free clinic I go to did get me on a program that provides my inhalers for free!! I was grateful for that as the Advair is almost 100 bucks with no insurance. Whew....I can't even pay my rent let alone meds right now.

I'm hoping I hear something soon, all my docs approved me but it's up the guy that sits behind the desk signing papers whether I get it or not. If they deny me, I really don't know what I'm go to do...live in my car I suppose with my dog.

As I said...it just keeps getting worse for me day by day. And it's sure not helping the depression at all.

<big sigh>

[theave]

Hi and welcome IrishMe - you have so much going on, I do hope that you find being here a comfort - it is such a relief to have people understand what you are saying without having to spell it out or hear pat answers back about how much other people are suffering, and so on... I really hope you will hear good news about the disability payment soon and that things will start turning round for you soon. I am new to the US and I find it incredible that such a wealthy, powerful country does not look after its most vulnerable people. Take good care.

[susan888]

(((IrishMe)))

Welcome to PC! I'm so sorry you are going through so much...you have found a wonderful place for support and understanding!

Hope you hear good news about your disability application soon!

[Fuzzybear]

((((((((((((((( IrishMe ))))))))))))))))
Welcome!