I think I can pin point around the time my depression started. I was very young. I am the youngest of 5. My brothers and sisters are all a lot older than I. When I was a little kid I always remembered them saying how much they hated Hispanic people but I never knew why. Then in 1998 I found out. A cousin of mine told me that the man who I thought was my father was not my biological father. He was only the father of my brother and sisters. My biological father was Puerto Rican. They all knew him and hated him because he almost broke up the marriage. They decided to not only hate him but all other Hispanics including me. I was hated while still in my mothers womb. I remember feeling rejected from the ealiest time I can remember. I believe it all stated then. They must have been really ticked off because I ended up marrying a Puerto Rican woman. I was already engaged to her when I found out the family secret. I don't mind if someone would hate me for something I did, but I didn't choose my parents. I was young, defensless and crushed. That is pretty much how it happened. Peace - Dennis

Have you begun the process of forgiveness? I harbored the anger and bitterness of events that occurred long ago far too long. Forgiveness will always be a work in process, as is living. The more I am able to forgive, however, the better I function.

Good luck.

[lonegael]

The Byzantine makes a good point. I would add that it sounds strange that your siblings would be so tenacious about hanging onto this scapegoating. Was your mother and her husband in on this as well? Scapegoating within families is a pattern that aslo tends to follow through the generations. Have you thought about how you can keep yourself from doing the same thing. It doesn't have to be a racial issue, or illegitimacy; it can be a child resembling a relative you don't like or having perhaps a temprament or defect that makes life a bit harder, or even just being born at a certain time. I think forgiveness has a great deal to do with how you decide to handle this pattern in your own life and family. I wish your family had been more willing to accept you for the wonderfull miracle of life that you are, and save their anger for more appropriate targets. Huggs, and may you have joy and love in the family you and your loved one are starting now.

I have forgiven them but they choose not to associate with me. I have contact with one niece and one nephew. The others have no welcome mat for me. Peace - Dennis

Originally Posted by TheByzantine

Have you begun the process of forgiveness? I harbored the anger and bitterness of events that occurred long ago far too long. Forgiveness will always be a work in process, as is living. The more I am able to forgive, however, the better I function.

Good luck.

I wish you well, Dennis.

It still hurts to be rejected but I have learned something important from this all. People can either teach us how to be or how not to be and they taught me how not to be. That is a lesson I treasure. Peace - Dennis

Originally Posted by lonegael

The Byzantine makes a good point. I would add that it sounds strange that your siblings would be so tenacious about hanging onto this scapegoating. Was your mother and her husband in on this as well? Scapegoating within families is a pattern that aslo tends to follow through the generations. Have you thought about how you can keep yourself from doing the same thing. It doesn't have to be a racial issue, or illegitimacy; it can be a child resembling a relative you don't like or having perhaps a temprament or defect that makes life a bit harder, or even just being born at a certain time. I think forgiveness has a great deal to do with how you decide to handle this pattern in your own life and family. I wish your family had been more willing to accept you for the wonderfull miracle of life that you are, and save their anger for more appropriate targets. Huggs, and may you have joy and love in the family you and your loved one are starting now.

[lonegael]

A very important and lasting lesson. May that learned in sorrow be practiced in joy! Huggs

[thine_self_untrue]

Dennis,
I am so sorry to hear that. I have to beleive that sometimes people do not understand the magnitude of thier actions and the effect they will have on other people. This doesn't mean what they did wasn't wrong and that it didn't hurt you.
Sometimes we don't get blessed with very good families and have to build our own. I hope you find people that love and appreciate you for the wonderful person that you are.

Though I have survived I have yet to live. I will not stop hoping. Thank you for your kind words. Peace - Dennis

Originally Posted by thine_self_untrue

Dennis,
I am so sorry to hear that. I have to beleive that sometimes people do not understand the magnitude of thier actions and the effect they will have on other people. This doesn't mean what they did wasn't wrong and that it didn't hurt you.
Sometimes we don't get blessed with very good families and have to build our own. I hope you find people that love and appreciate you for the wonderful person that you are.

The good thing that came from this is that it has made me more sensitive to other hurting people and more compassionate. I am happy that some good thing came from it. Peace - Dennis

Originally Posted by lonegael

A very important and lasting lesson. May that learned in sorrow be practiced in joy! Huggs

[sanityseeker]

I am sorry for your sad beginning. Forgiveness is a gift we give to ourselves to be set free of the uglienss of anger and hate. Sadly your family chooses not to share the gift. Their sad choice.

Wishing you a life forward filled with love and joy, peace and happiness. You so deserve it.