[PeculiarGroove]

How do you get out of bed? I'm finding it so difficult to motivate myself. I don't really feel like I have anything to get up for. Now, my mum is giving me a hard time. I'm going to bed at 6am and getting up at 4pm. I work from home so I usually stay in bed on the laptop. Now she's shouting at me because i'm being unhealthy staying in bed. I know it's only cause she cares but what difference does it make if i work in bed or downstairs? Or watch TV in bed or downstairs? There's nothing else to do. She says I should go out for a walk but she expects me to jump out of bed at 8am singing with a big grin on my face - it's never going to happen and she just doesn't get it. She just says I'm making her feel bad where she's working all day and I do nothing.

I asked her to leave me a list of jobs to do round the house while she's at work, trying to give myself some kind of motivation which worked for a while but then she said she needed me to work more because we need the money, so I do, and then she has a go at me because I haven't done anything around the house. What does she want for me?

She just always makes me feel like i'm making her life so hard, she lost 5 babies before she had me and now I feel like such a disappointment. She says she's proud of me when she sees acting work i've done but I sign up to do a psychology course and instead of "that's great - it's nice to see you excited about something" it's "oh whatever, we'll see if you finish it. Don't talk to me about it because i've been working all day and i'm tired unlike you.."

She says she wants to understand what i'm feeling but when I try to talk to her she shuts me out and says i'm depressing her and if i'm not careful i'll make her depressed and that she can't cope with me.

She's the most important person in my life i don't want to make her feel this way but part of me feels angry because it's not my fault i feel like this and she just makes me feel guilty about it all the time.

How can I get my life back on track? I can't cope like this anymore.

[turquoisesea]

no words right now, but keep trying. having goals for yourself will help. Something that has helped me in the past is to put a light on a timer so that I wake up to daylight, but I really don't know it can be hard sometimes

[jennaorgana]

when i am depressed i tend to close my blinds... then it stays dark in my room all day and i never have to think about getting out. it's when i open the blinds and the light wakes me up and makes it impossible to stay asleep that i wake up.

another really weird thing to do is drink an entire bottle of water right before you go to bed. when you wake up, you have to pee. that gets you out of bed, and for me, it keeps me out because it is hard for me to fall asleep once i've woken up. it's weird, but it works for me

[PeculiarGroove]

Thanks for the tips. The light timer/ opening blinds might help. The peeing thing won't though cuz I take sleeping tablets so I always fall straight back to sleep

[Miracle1986]

Originally Posted by PeculiarGroove

How do you get out of bed?

I don't

[Elana05]

Hey Peculiar Groove,

You sound pretty down right now... I hope you feel better soon.
Just wanted to respond breifly that I kind of had a similar situation. My mom and I lived together for a couple of years and before that we lived in the same town. We have always been very close. My parents divorced when I was young so it was just us two. It was very hard to do - especially because I was so sure that she needed me, but I realized I had to leave her. I'm not sure of your age. But we have been in separate states now for over five years and it has been much healthier for me this way. Your mom is saying some things that seem to really put you down, like "oh whatever, we'll see if you finish it" about the psychology course. That certainly is not good for your self esteem. You mentioned that she is the most important person in your life - but I hope that you will consider finding a counselor or therapist to share your deep feelings with about this situation etc. This is from my own experience, but the best way to feel better and to work on your relationship with your mom might be to break free and to have some time to take care of yourself.

[slowinmi]

Peculiar,

No deep words of wisdom right now, just wanted you to know I'm sending good thoughts your way. Hope you feel better soon.

[PeculiarGroove]

Miracle1986 - ((hugs))

Elana06 - Thank you for your reply. I'm sure a little seperation would do my mum and I some good. To answer your questions and give you a little background:

I'm 21 and live with my mum, just the two of us. We are very close - my dad used to beat her and through that we've always been close. Then he committed suicide when I was 11 and obviously as the years have gone by she has begun to lean on me too, which is great. She has a lot of stress right now, work and huge money problems and normally I would put what she says down to that but it never changes.

Her mother had severe depression and was an alcoholic, from the age of 17 my mum was her sole carer - watching her go into hospital for ECT and stuff like that when I was 3 my grandmother eventually committed suicide. Then my mum's father died of natural causes when I was 13. I'm sure a lot of it stems from her mum, and i'm sure she's scared I will end up the same way. I keep trying to assure her that my form of depression is quite different and that i don't have any tendancy towards alcoholism (i don't like drinking ! ) but she just seems to shut off.

She trained as a berevement counseller, and, because of this she never got counselling and wouldn't consider it as she feels she "knows what they will say".

I have been seeing a therapist since I was 12, so about 10 years now and she is wonderful. She is actually a child psychologist but has continued with me as she knows me so well and I trust her, plus she is a specialist in OCD which is one of my biggest problems at the moment.

Before, I would ask mum to come to a session with me so we could hash things out with my therapist and she always would. But, now, she would but she gets home and then refutes everything that's been said about her. It makes me sad because I used to be able to tell her anything but now i feel I can't without her biting my head off.

My OCD is centered around a fear of my mum dying so seperation is very difficult for me.

Slowinmi - Thank you, I appreciate it ((hugs))

[shdcase]

Peculiar,

I know the feeling of not wanting to get out of bed. I also have found that if I set the alarm every day at the same time it a least wakes me up. I take a few breathes and try to think of something, anything, even going to bathroom to get me out of the bed. I also hope you feel better soon.

[googley]

When I need to get out of bed and I can't I try to schedule things with other people. Like meeting friends to do something (lately I've been using going to the gym at school with my friends.) I would feel bad not meeting them at the appointed time so it gets me going. Do you know people who you can get together with? Good luck with this.

[Ascension]

I am sorry you are at odds with your mother and internally with yourself about your sleep schedule. I can say the more I allow myself to linger in bed, the more depressed I get and the more I want to sleep and not get out of bed. Firstly, maybe set a time frame with your mother, let's say a week or whatever. And give yourself that time to rest without guilt and shame. Neither you or your mother say anything bad about. Most often the fuel for depression and sleeping are a result of guilt and/or shame. This way you allow yourself a bit of time to get rested and you have a time frame to change your habits. Don't do too drastic a change. Allow yourself some time to modify your biological clock. When I have to get on a schedule I normally stay up longer and try to make it through 20 hours before I go to sleep instead of the 16-18 I normally do. Going to bed earlier is harder then staying up a little later. Do this over a week maybe. I hope you find some balance in what is best for you and your mother. I wish you peace.

[Peter_09]

Training yourself to get up when ever you hear an alarm clock go off might help. Used to work for me. Now I just give myself a set time once Ive woken up to get up. Meanwhile I listen to the radio. Constantly look at my watch to see how long I have left. That may wake you up enough to get out of bed. Hunger also does wonders for me, lol. Hope you feel better.

[daytimedreamer]

I usually get up because I have to pee. Also, I don't have a computer or a TV in my room, so I come out when I get bored.

Sorry about your problems with your Mum. I know what that is like, but I can offer no solutions.

[justfloating]

What works for me is to put my alarm across the room, not on my bedside table, so that I physically have to get out of bed to turn it off. Part of your sleep troubles might be lack of a proper sleep pattern, too. If you're not going to bed until 6am, you're going to be too tired most of the day to get up, and likewise if you've been sleeping all day, you'll have a hard time getting to sleep at night. I travel a lot so I deal with quite a bit of jet lag, and the best way to get over that is to refuse to let yourself go to bed, no matter how tired you are, until an appropriate "bedtime" (say 9 or 10 pm) and then to force yourself OUT of bed, no matter how tired you are, at an appropriate wake up time (for me it's between 8-10am). The first couple of days I feel like utter crap, but if I start my body on some kind of schedule it only takes a few days to adjust to it. Depression messed with my sleep habits too, so I found forcing myself into a schedule helped out a lot too.

That being said, I know how difficult depression makes it to actively force ourselves into doing anything. It helps for me not to eat too much before I go to bed (that way I wake up hungry), to set out my clothes and the things I need in the morning (that way I don't feel so overwhelmed by the thought of getting dressed, etc), and to promise myself something nice when I get up (for me it's coffee but it could be anything from a half-hour with your favourite sitcom while you eat breakfast, or a walk to the park, a bubble bath, some time with a good book, whatever seems really good to you, a GOOD reason to get out of bed!)

I hope some of that helps. I'm sorry things are so difficult with your mom right now. I'm glad that you're in therapy, keep that up, and try not to take what your mother is saying too much to heart. It sounds like she's had a pretty difficult experience with depression in her family and she might just be overwhelmed and a little scared knowing that you have it now too. But it's not your fault you're sick and I really think she wants the best for you, she just might not know exactly what that is.

[PeculiarGroove]

googley - I've tried to do this but now I just get so apathetic that I just keep cancelling on people which in turn makes me feel worse and I stay in bed longer So hard to break the cycle

Ascension - That's a good idea, thank you. I have a sleep disorder (delayed sleep phase) which means my cicardian clock works to a different pace to other people - sometimes it skips a couple of days and i'll stay awake all that time without feeling tired - coupled with depression it's such a nightmare to deal with. You are absolutely right about the guilt/shame - it really does make everything worse

pr1988 - Thanks for the tips, i'm going to try them all.

Kallinite - I might try moving my laptop downstairs - I hadn't thought of doing that before, thank you!

Justfloating - I used to have one of those alarm clocks that actually moves when it goes off so in order to turn it off you have to chase it around the room lol In the end, unfortunately, i slept through it. Thank you for your tips regarding a regular sleep pattern - but, unfortunately, because of my sleep disorder this is very difficult to do. Even doctors and therapists suggest that the best thing to do with this disorder is get a night time job because getting into a pattern doesn't work because your cicardian clock remains out of whack naturally. I only work from home part time, my other job when I get work requires working at all different times which kind of suits me. But, I have found when i have to get up for work at 4am, i'm tired by the end of the day but still can't sleep until 6am the next morning The idea of setting out your clothes etc so it's not so overwhelming is a really good idea as I always lie there thinking about all the energy i'm gonna have to put into getting up so I will definately give that a try. Thank you for your kind words

[lonegael]

I'm afaid my way won't work for you. I have a problem with the nerves in my shoulder and back, so if I lie down for too long, I am in pain. So, while i can get enough sleep, staying in bed for longer than 10 hours max doens't work. I also have a husband who comes and crawls into bed and bothers me if I'm there too late in the day (and a dog and a cat that all like to join us).

[PeculiarGroove]

I'm sorry you have a problem with your shoulder but having a husband waking one up is much more appealing than an alarm clock! lol