People avoiding me

Does anyone get this, people know what to expect from you - awkwardness or you push them away sometimes even though you don't want to, then you beat yourself up for pushing them away. The horrible, chronic lonliness pangs just bite you out of nowhere which gives you that horrible gut renching feeling in the pit of your stomach, you don't know whether its life or death and there I am curled up in bed staring at the wall because I don't have any friends and have to pretend to be cheerful so people don't freak out. Gosh its dreadful. I just want to sleep. I genuinly do everything wrong, it doesn't matter how deep the pain is inside, I am a forgotten person, just a number, it breaks my heart, not to feel wanted or liked or that people don't know how to be around you or how to take you, I am feelin terrible today, nothing feels real, I don't feel real, everyone has their own lives and I am unable to cry, I have cried so much, there are no more tears left inside me

I feel this same way right now. I am alone and no one really cares. Please know that you are not alone.

I am sorry you are suffering. I really do know that pit of the stomach aching feeling. I wish it to go away, I try to think myself into a different person, but no matter what, its still there. I'm still the same. I wish I had the cure for this feeling. I would give it out for free.
(((lovelylovely))) & (((tryingtobeme)))

Ack, I know this feeling very well. People quit calling because I'm a downer. People talk to me briefly 'to be polite' and move on because it's obviously painful for me to talk to them. People avoid me because I'm hard as a rock on the outside to protect this fragile inside.
I freeze up in person. Nothing comes out right and I just don't know what to say. People are almost always uncomfortable around me. I don't blame them, though. I'm just no fun anymore. But I blame myself for being like this.
(((((((((Hugs to everyone who feels this way)))))))))

Everyone is a VIP here. I wish I had the wisdom of Solomon or of Pythia at the Oracle of Delphi. But I do not. There are going to be what Churchill called black dog days for everyone. No matter how hard we try, we cannot reach those in pain all of the time.

Sometimes, I remind myself of the Chinese proverb: It is better to light one small candle than to curse the darkness.

P.S. - If our responses are not helpful, tell us how to do better.

I hear you.... I know that pain. I do my best to be my own best friend and to keep myself company doing my art but somedays the loneliness feels too much to bear. I have what I call 'fly by' friendships. Short and sweet encounters on rare occassions. I put on my 'normal' face and since I can't keep it up for very long I get away pretty quickly.

Just this morning my aunt called for her regular check up with me and as I have learned to do if I do in fact pick up the phone I pretend all is well. It just makes it easier. Soon there is nothing to talk about and we say goodbye. Goes that way with my dad and my brother too. My sister and I never talk anymore. Haven't seen her in a few years and I know it is because I am either uninteresting or a downer.

Either I am honest about some of the struggles and endure people telling me all that is wrong with me is menopause and isolation or I keep it to myself and feel even more lonely around them then I do when I am not.

I hope you are all feeling better soon and can find that something today to lift your spirits up. I will likely go for a long walk through the forest to the river where I feel less alone and am often refreshed by the glory of natures steadfast beauty. I will look into the rock cliffs and the clouds to find the faces of those who look upon me and somehow know me and love me and will stay to listen to me as long as I want them to.

Wishing you wellness and peace.

This is the first time I have thought of myself as a forgotten person but it is so very, very true. Have you been looking through my mirror? The horrible, chronic loneliness, yes and it does bite you out of nowhere.

As a frog of little brain, I often sit as today and cry. Endless tears that have no purpose. In a few days I will have to paint the smile on my face and pretend I'm a part of the human race. But today, as so many in the past has been filled with tears.

Just another forgotten person.
You are not alone.

kebs

Lonely?

http://www.alive.com/6980a17a2.php?s..._bread_cramb=5

I know what you mean. I feel like that every day. When people get close, I freak out and run. I'm even theming my work-in-progress tattoo around it, because it's such a large part of my life. There's a lot of symbolism in it.

I feel very lonely too. I wish I could help you make sense of it, but I haven't made sense of it yet myself. Still, I'm here if you'd like to talk.

At least we are all there for each other. *gives all of you big hugs*. Just knowing that there is someone there on this planet that feels the same way eases the lonliness. We all need a little nurturing sometimes and it can be hard to find it alot of the time but thats all you need, just another human being to feel what you are feeling.

((((((((((((((((((Everyone here))))))))))))))))))))

Yes I can sympathize and relate. People avoid me too, oh well I guess, my paranoia and eccentric nature is just part of who I am. Hugs to you all!

~Monsieur

Yeah. Its gotten to the point where i completely avert my eyes from people when I walk down hallways, so it looks like I'm giving them the cold shoulder. But now its almost biological, I can't look at people in the eyes if I tried. And people have started ignoring me too, imitating my own stupid behavior and I blame myself for it.

Dya know Siempre, I do exactly the same thing, I cannot look at people. Thing is when I make eye contact, I get intrusive thoughts or I go blank or they are not interested in anything I have to say, therefore when I see them again, they avoid me because they know whenever they see me, there will be an uncomfortable, tense atmosphere, which I can feel too, its almost painfully atmospheric. My social anxiety comes on incredibly strong, I dare not open my mouth for saying something wrong and if I make a slight fool myself it hard to pull myself together again and I make an even bigger fool out of myself. I feel so self destructive when these sort of situations happen, I feel like a freak.

I have just been like that for the last few weeks again. I know my friends expect me to be over this by now, but I just feel so lifeless, my soul is dead. Theres no point for me at the moment having friends to go and do things with cos theres no pleasure in it. I have also just been a real cow and got quite a number of my friends to back right off, I know they are probably wondering what they have done wrong. They have done nothing wrong I am just doing them a favour they are better off without me. Then you feel so alone but I feel alone anyway so whats the difference?
Isolating oneself is probably not the answer but its hard not too

You have no idea how much I feel like you. I started crying as I was in the middle of your post -- because of how much I can relate to it.

May you all know you are valuable and important people deserving of betters lives. You cannot quit on yourselves. YOU JUST CAN'T.

I used to be the life and soul of the party then one day I got ill with depression and my life changed irrevocably. Gone were the invites, the phone stopped ringing, even my family asked me what did I do to myself to get depressed and to snap out of the self pity. I then made a pact with myself that I would no longer be hurt by people, no longer would I try to make friendships only to be disappointed several weeks later when they came to nothing as a result of my mentioning the dreaded "D" word. So I dont really bother with people that much now and have become my own best friend as I know I am a good person and I was once a very popular person so now I am my own best popular friend and I like it. I dont hurt or harm anyone. I only have myself to answer to.

However saying all that since I found PC I am coming out of my shell as I realised there are people like me and it is comforting to log on and listen to and support those like me. Thank GOd for PC.

I was agoraphobic from 15-22 because of those same exact feelings. I had lost all trust and faith in humanity due to constant abuse and being misunderstood by my peers, my teachers, school officials and my family. If you set your mind to work through these negative thought and behavior patterns you will improve over time. It's a long hard process, but it's more than worth the time and effort. I managed to make my way across the country to a strange city pretty much alone and equipt with barely any social skills or many skills to speak of in general. I was homeless for a while (not on the streets, but damn close to it) and HAD to deal with stuff head on. Still, it took me 3 years here to make what I would call real friends. I have had plenty of acquaintances, but no one that was really close. Now I'm very lucky to have a few people in my life who care enough to put up with me at my worst... and my worst can be pretty bad! I've been realizing recently what I've been projecting onto them and that I seriously need to change some behaviors because I'm straining my relationships big time... In the past month I've managed to alienate all 3 of my closest local friends. One I'm still not on speaking terms with. One I live with. And one is my 1st love. I know all too well what you are feeling right now because I've felt just the same for about as long as I can remember. I know I've improved a great deal, you can too! My best advice is to let the people around you tell you what you are doing wrong with an open mind. It's always hard to hear, you may get really upset at 1st, but it's always a much needed wake up call. Also, it helps to keep in mind that your thought processes are different than those around you. It gets REALLY frustrating, I know, but when they aren't getting where you are coming from and they are taking what you say as being dramatic, over reacting, etc. try calming yourself down and either resolve to discuss things further when you are calmer, or try explaining as calmly as you can that you realize that you think in a different way than they do and explain the way your mind is working around the current problem.

For instance, my best friend who I've been in love with and I finally had our point of resolution. I completely unintentionally bombarded him with all this emotional stuff. We had a HUGE mess of a conversation... oh we got mean. It all started out as innocently as me telling him how I felt. But instead of being frank and straightforward, I was nothing but emotional. In my mind this seems perfectly normal, I love him, I want him to know exactly what was in my heart. I came off as very insecure, needy, dramatic and entitled.
Not a good way to come off to the 1st person you really loved. He wasn't lilly white himself, of course... he admitted to trying to get me mad at him so I'd be able to deal with my heartache better. Well, he thinks differently than I do. He copes with anger better. I told him this and that in my mind, if he were to make me hate him and cut him from my life that he would reverse a great deal of progress I've made with my trust issues with men because In my mind I would question everything about our friendship and to me it would all seem like a big lie. After that he gave me the closure and validation that I needed. It gets SO frustrating when you are misunderstood.... but as long as you have the drive to change, you will change. =]

Lovely, it seems to me that between here......and here......you managed to make some movement in the right direction. By that I mean, you're starting to look at exactly what's going on for you. "The only way out is through," someone said (and I happen to agree). The way through always seems to be to attend as closely as you can to exactly what you're experiencing. If you notice you've been telling yourself a story about what must "really" be going on (a mental illness, a curse, a plot...) or what other people must be thinking, be prepared to let go of the story and attend to whatever you experience yourself.

I mention this because you already demonstrated doing it and I wanted to encourage you to continue.

Here's what "story" sounds like. It's not bad or wrong, it just can't get you where you want to go. You're better off letting go of it so you can move on:
You may not be ready to get the distinction right away but once you do, you'll be a giant step ahead.

Good luck, and thanks for the demo!

By the way, it's entirely possible that the IRL people you've been talking to (or not) are feeling no more secure than you are, so they start acting a little weird themselves the moment you remind them of it. I'm guessing that the people you're meeting here are for the most part more comfortable with themselves and more willing to let you be yourself -- and you're already responding accordingly.

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Ding! Please deposit another 2 cents.