[cloister2]

I worry a lot what others think of me. I feel like a mess and when I am in public, I worry about how others perceive me. I don't feel "normal" and I don't know how others have not trouble making friends, having relationships... although I don't really feel compelled to be social. I guess I lack motivation. When I talk to people it usually is very stilted and awkward. I think the shame about my life situation isn't helping, like the lack of job and direction in life. I am having a lot of trouble getting my life in order. I can't seem to make long term plans. Can anyone relate?

[darkpurplesecrets]

((((cloister2))))

Thank you for posting. Shame can really mess with you. It does me at times. I am sorry you are feeling so much. I have to ask what is "Normal". I think we all make up a part of normal. I cannot think of anyone person I would want to be that I think has everything all together. For even those that seem to when they are not out, have things that are not so perfect.

Being who you are and bringing with it your uniquiness is what makes up all of us. If we were all normal and alike what kind of a place would we live in? No one would have anything to talk about for everyone would all already know. We would not have different ideas or thoughts. So I think normal is maybe being able to be honest and be who you are.

Sure we may not like everything about what we see, but that gives us something to strive for and to improve upon. We all make up this world, each one of us. And true, some of us have been through more than others but we all have been through something. We all have something to offer one another. I am glad you are here and that we get to learn more about you.

Thank you again for posting. I do not know if I answered you or not, but maybe trying to be you is where you should start. And I think you are important and worth getting to know. Sending gentle hugs and loving thoughts.

dps

[angie2716]

I am so right there with you. Hopefully it will get better for you! Hugs!

[cloister2]

Oh great, I am ashamed about posting... hmm I wouldn't want anyone to find out.

[No_longer_sane]

I feel the same way, and don't worry about posting x

[englishteacher]

Cloister,

A lot of us are right here with you. We feel the shame too. I feel relieved, guilty, and ashamed when I post here.

As for the employment, the job market is horrible right now...you can't blame yourself for the economy. If you have other reasons for being unemployed, then they are probably very good reasons. You can only do what you can do each day. Try not to beat yourself up. You seem like a very nice person.

Hi cloister,

I can relate to every word you wrote. Given that you chose to post this in the depression forum, I suppose some of what you describe may be the depression itself. Are you getting any help?
One of the ways I was able to feel better about not having a job for the long time when that was the case, was to remind myself that my work at that time was what I was doing in therapy.
I have gotten over the employment hurdle, which I thought was never going to happen, so be patient with yourself. But As recently as a couple of weeks ago, when I was assigned homework by my therapy group to take a long-term look at things, I 'failed' miserably. To me that is a sign that I still have work to do on myself. The part of me that is supposed to be able to look forward with hope and excitement is still not functioning. I put this down to the fact that I have not healed enough yet.

I hope that by posting here on PC and by reading others' posts you will feel less alone and less 'not normal' I don't know your history, but my guess is that what you struggle with is completely normal for someone like you

[darkpurplesecrets]

((((cloister))))

Just wondering how you are. Why are you ashamed of posting. I am glad that you reached out. Many of us including me have felt the shame, the guilt, the worthlessness, and all that goes with it. I feel it many times but I am trying to understand that it really is not mine to carry. It belongs to those that abused, those that took away that innocence that I have never known.

Please do not feel that you should not have posted. It is really good that you did. You are not wrong in how you feel or what you feel. You are worthy to be here and to say what you need to say. I am glad you are here. I can relate to what you said. Thank you for posting.

Sending gentle hugs.

dps

[1flagwriter]

Cloister,

Don't let that depression speak for you...post here anytime you need to. We are here for you.

How are you today?

Please do not let others define who you are.

To seek approval is to have no resting place, no sanctuary.
Like all judgment, approval encourages a constant striving.
It makes us uncertain of who we are and of our true value.
Approval cannot be trusted. It can be withdrawn at any time
no matter what our track record has been.
It is as nourishing of real growth as cotton candy.
Yet many of us spend our lives pursuing it.
~Rachel Naomi Remen, MD

[cloister2]

I'm doing a little better now. The replies were really helpful. I guess I care what others think (way too much). Hopefully I will get over that.