[Monsieur]

But does that mean I'm truly alive?

Hi everyone, guess this is just an update even though I've got nothing much to say. Occasionally I might just seem to literally disappear from here, and while I acknowledge this I find it difficult to draw enough strength to make posts and keep up with everyone here...my mind is quite exhausted.

It's not much different at school. It seems the essence of loneliness has risen from hell to strangle my mind, my vision. There's people all around me yet for some reason I feel no more connected to them then observers taking notice of human sociology from behind a glass wall. I try to speak, but my throat is gripped with a unseen force, perhaps it is fear, perhaps it is inexperience, perhaps I simply have nothing to say to people who are nothing like me.

I am an alien. And when I get back to the mothership I've got to inform them that doing transgalatic student exchange programs are a bad idea...

Hope you all have a nice day/evening,
~Monsieur

[Rohag]

Originally Posted by Monsieur

I am an alien. And when I get back to the mothership I've got to inform them that doing transgalatic student exchange programs are a bad idea...

I like!

Sometimes I too have thought that the worst kind of loneliness is the loneliness you feel in a crowd.

[1flagwriter]

I have to admit, you are a very bright person! I'm glad to have the opportunity to meet you.

Welcome back!

I have posted these before. They explain things in a manner I am able to relate to. Nevertheless, except for circumstances beyond our control, I believe loneliness is a choice.
_____________________

Loneliness of Spirit:
Deeper than the Reach of Love
by James Park

Loneliness is an aching void in the center of our beings,
a deep longing to love and be loved,
to be fully known and accepted by at least one other person.
It is a hollow, haunting sound sweeping thru our depths,
chilling our bones and causing us to shiver.

Is there a person, anywhere,
who has never felt the stab of loneliness,
who has never experienced
the eerie distance of isolation and separation,
who has never suffered the pain of rejection or the loss of love?

The final rupture or breakdown of a valued loving relationship,
the sudden death of someone who was close and special,
an unavoidable separation from a loved one
—these things strike loneliness into our hearts,
the intense experience of the absence of that specific person.

Besides longing for a specific person,
sometimes loneliness has no name attached.
This is the general feeling of being alone,
isolated, separated from others.

And there is a third kind of loneliness—existential loneliness—
which is even deeper and more pervasive than either of the first two.
It often disguises itself as longing for a specific person
or pretends to be yearning for contact with anyone,
but this deeper lack or emptiness-of-being
is not really a kind of loneliness at all.

Being together with other people, even people we intensely love,
does not overcome this deep incompleteness of being.
This inner default of selfhood has never been solved by relationships,
no matter how good and close and warm our relationships might be.
______________

Are You Lonesome Tonight?
http://www.alive.com/6980a17a2.php?s..._bread_cramb=5

[thine_self_untrue]

Good to hear from you again, Monsieur! My only regret is that it wasn't under better circumstances.
Is there anyone who you're talking to about all this with? I feel so much more alone when I keep everything to myself. Safe, perhaps, but also very lonely.
You write beautifully. Would having a blog maybe help you to get some of the words out and feel a little less alone?
Take care, friend.

[Monsieur]

I like!

Sometimes I too have thought that the worst kind of loneliness is the loneliness you feel in a crowd.

Haha, thanks Rohag. Indeed, there's such a different feeling of loneliness which arises when experienced in the crowd. It's almost....almost as if it's not just loneliness by itself, but rather compounded by some feeling of alienation and rejection. Anyways thanks for support, hugs for you too!

I have to admit, you are a very bright person! I'm glad to have the opportunity to meet you.

Welcome back!

Thanks 1flagwriter, a pleasure to meet you as well! Being bright would be fun if it didn't have insanity as a byproduct.

I have posted these before. They explain things in a manner I am able to relate to. Nevertheless, except for circumstances beyond our control, I believe loneliness is a choice.

Thank you for the poem and resource Byzantine! From what I could fathom, the poem seemed to be speaking of the supposed existential loneliness as a lack of self acquaintance rather then ye olde isolation. And I guess I can relate to this, after all, by the demeaning eyes of society I am an obnoxious and ignorant teenager regardless of any aura I attempt to present. But I guess the keyword is still there, I'm a teenager by all means except a few which have brought about my misery but perhaps one day my salvation. But hell, fact is, I don't know who I am really. Sometimes I pretentiously pretend I'm a poet but obviously I can still feel the lacerations of the existential knife rooted deep within. Naturally, the era of youth is primary designated for combating existential depression and finding self-actualization but I cannot help feel as though my own path has been blocked by the crippling advanced of other psychosocioemotional issues...

Anyways, sorry about the ramble, thanks once again Byzantine.

Good to hear from you again, Monsieur! My only regret is that it wasn't under better circumstances.
Is there anyone who you're talking to about all this with? I feel so much more alone when I keep everything to myself. Safe, perhaps, but also very lonely.
You write beautifully. Would having a blog maybe help you to get some of the words out and feel a little less alone?
Take care, friend.

Hello again as well thine_self_untrue! Unfortunately I've got some issues opening up to strangers, it's hard to describe but my speech becomes slow and slurred and I can hardly think. Even with people who I know well enough, I feel as though they wouldn't be the type of people to listen to my inner problems. So I do as I always do...keep everything locked inside. Thanks for the compliment Thine , I was considering making a blog...hmm, my tendency to abandon long term projects is making me a bit unsure of it though. I might try anyways sometime.

Thank you and take care as well Thine.