exhausted

I'm SO TIRED all the time. Normally that accompanies a dip in my mood but I'm not feeling down. If anything, the impact my exhaustion has been having on my life has been the worst of my concerns as far as my mood goes. I have only been making it to about 25% of my classes. I can't get up in the morning and I have to nap a lot just to be semi-functional. I have to force myself to work and then I put very little effort into what I'm doing. My mind just isn't "there", if that makes sense. At least once a week, I have to sleep for 20+ hours. No choice. I just wind up hitting a point where I physically can't go any more and my body just shuts down.

It's not the way it used to be. It used to be along the lines of "Life is pointless, I'm hopeless/worthless/a failure so there's no point in getting out of bed." Now, my frame of mind is more that I'm just so tired I can't deal with anything. It feels like I've been working in overdrive and I just can't go any more. Which is stupid, because I haven't WORKED (much less gone into overdrive) in a few weeks. I feel burnt out when I've literally been at rest almost 24/7.

Now I'm getting emails from my tutors asking why I've been absent from class so often. I'm REALLY behind on my readings. I only managed to get halfway through the last novel for one of my courses, and I haven't read the other 3 texts I'm supposed to have read by now. I have a presentation to do on Friday and I can't bring myself to start working on it. My laundry hamper is overflowing, I've got dirty dishes piling up, I don't eat anything that can't be prepared in under 5 minutes, it takes me twice as long to get anywhere because I can't move quickly any more ... All I want to do is sleep and sleep and sleep.

Can you exhibit symptoms of depression without the lowness in mood? I'm not feeling sad. At the worst, I'd say I'm apathetic. I suppose I'll make an appointment with my counsellor, but I'm not sure what good it'll do me when I can't say that anything is really wrong, except for the things like my schoolwork that I'm letting slide. I have no idea why I do this to myself, why I can't seem to just "suck it up" like everyone else.