[estrella]

My mum has admitted to trying to fill a void by buying things. This has gotten us into a lot of debt- though I'm not sure how much. (One time on eBay, I saw that she owed nearly $1,000 in just one month).

If she sees something she wants, she doesn't hesitate to get it. And it's not only just for herself. She wants to show her love for her children through money, because she isn't the mushy type. Even if we don't want what she gets, she wants to spoil us.

Recently, I agreed to liking a coffee brewer on QVC, but I wasn't going goo goo gaga over it (though I do admit to really liking it now, haha :P). She went online and ordered it. Another $100. A slight colour discoloration on the TV? Another $600 to buy a new one.

After she sees the damage she can do with having a credit card of two, she will get even more depressed. This will lead her into a bad mood, which will bring her to say-in a nutshell- that her spending is 'our fault.' 'We ask for this stuff, and we know we'll get what we want because we're spoiled.'

She was treated for bipolar years ago, but now it's only gotten worse since the death of my father. She has told me time and time again that she IS trying to fill a void, that this new toy will make her happy. It's a never ending cycle. But she refuses to get help (one reason is that she can't, not really).

I want my mom to get better, physically and mentally, and her spending has to stop. Is there anything we can do to help her break the cycle?

[michele#3]

The best thing is to get her back into some kind of treatment. That's the only thing I can think of that will help. Psych treatment and meds. I know I did this once and I wound up losing everything for a time. It took me a couple of years of homelessness and finally therapy and the right anti - depressant and I quit doing things like that. Hopefully, that doesn't have to happen to your mother.

P.S. I like the quote at the end of your post.

[so_punk_rock]

why cant your mother get some type of help?

[muse]

This is a bit extreme, but if you can afford it and have a GOOD center near you, a stay at a hospital might be worth considering. If (and I stress the IF, because not all centers are as good as the one I went to) the person in question would benefit from "taking a break" from the world for a while and being in a place where they can examine themselves and their feelings without any outside distractions, a hospital stay can be really helpful. It was for me.

Other than that, it sounds like your mom is still dealing with a lot of grief that she isn't dealing with in a healthy way, and may still need treatment for her bipolar disorder. Buying things spontaneously is, if I remember correctly, a symptom of that. Therapy and medication can be very helpful for both issues, but why can't your mother have that kind of help? Is it a financial issue?

If it is finances, perhaps you should talk to her about not having credit cards any more. She probably won't take to it very well, and is certainly able to apply for more behind your back even if you take them away, but you could always merge your bank accounts so you can see what she's buying, when, etc. It sounds invasive but it might give her some incentive to try and curtail her spending on her own.

Either way, good luck, and kudos to you for caring so much for your mom! She has a truly loving child in you.

[Lisa Michelle]

Credit cards are dangerous, can she get rid of them and use a debit card instead? (not sure you use the same word as us in the UK but I imagine so?) then she can still spend money but won't actually owe it because you can only spend what you have in your account.
Does she realise it's an actual 'problem'? She's admitted she's doing it for emotional reasons, not that she needs to buy these things, but does she realise that it's a problem and causing her to get in more and more debt? It could get WAY out of hand if she carries on.
Sorry I don't have the solution. I think your mum has to seek help herself. This is a lot for you to deal with and with you being quite young it's hard to sit your mother down and give her a talking to!
I hope she can realise she has a problem and seek help/change her behaviour. Maybe if you told her how worried you are about the money etc.
x

[Rohag]

Just for reference: Compulsive Shopping Behavior Identified, by By Rick Nauert PhD Senior News Editor
Reviewed by John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on September 16, 2008

The article has links to other related news and clinical stories.