Can't believe this is happening

I haven't written in here before, but was hoping maybe someone could give me advise on how to pull myself out of this pit. Somebody throw me a rope.
A little about me:
I'm a 42 year old mom.
I date both men and women, and right now am in a relationship with a woman.
I have 2 teenagers still at home, very independent, and I think that's a good thing, except that they were forced at a young age to be independent because my depression has kept me in bed alot.
I work, I'm a professional. But sometimes it's so hard to get out of bed in the morning, but I do for fear of losing my job.
My problem:
The woman I'm in a relationship with , M, has decided that she has issues of her own that she needs to deal with. She has self esteem issues, and problems with depression (although she really doesn't see that) She also still loves her ex. She says that it's not fair to me to live in our home if she can't give her whole self to me. So she has decided to move out for awhile to work on herself. This is killing me. I feel like she is slowly pulling away from me. First it will be moving out to "better herself", then she'll not see me as often, then she'll decide she would rather be with "her". I can see it coming, like a really bad plane crash, but I can't do anything to stop it.
I've told myself a thousand times.... "If you love something let it go....." But all that seems to do is make me hurt worse.
I'm sitting here at work, hoping nobody comes into my office today, because I'm afraid I'll just burst into tears.
I can't believe this is happening. We were so happy together. She brought out the joy inside me, and made it brighter. We are so good together. We love each other and really bring out the best in each other.
Does anyone have some words of wisdom that can help get me out of this pit, and help me make it through the day?
I'm thinking about starting a blog on here. Maybe if I just put all my feelings down, get it all out, maybe, just maybe I'll make it through.

Hey there, I don't have any words of wisdom because I simply haven't been in your situation before (I'm 22, only had one boyfriend before).

The one thing I CAN think of to ask is if you've talked to her about how you feel? Although I don't think you have a right to insist she stay, I do think you have a right to express your feelings on the matter. Good communication is necessary in any good relationship.

Take care of yourself, hope writing helps you *it does help me*

It sounds like she may be getting tired of being depressed and miserable...and even though she may not be able to admit it to you yet, she can see it inside and needs to take a step back to focus on what is truly best for her.

This doesn't mean she doesn't love you. It means she is making a decision for herself to put herself first and take care of herself.

The best thing, I think, that you can do is communicate with her. Let her know your feelings about her and how much you care. Let her know your fears. But ultimately, if you are both ill, your relationship would not be healthy and would most likely self destruct along the way.

This can be a turning point in your relationship. Maybe this is a good spot for you to start working on yourself and getting yourself some help. I can see why you are scared. If she gets help and gets better, she's going to move on, she's not going to want to come back to someone who is still sick and not ready. If I were in your position, I might feel left behind....abandoned. But it's a choice too.

If you can both do the work on yourselves that you need to do to get emotionally and mentally healthy, there could be a chance for your relationship to grow into a healthy and very special one, but if only one of you gets treatment, then the other one is more likely to travel on to greener pastures as to not sabotage their own healing.

Have you met with a Counselor or Therapist? Can you? This would be a good place for you to start to get yourself back. But again, that would be your choice.

Keep posting.

I am getting help for myself. I'm talking to a therapist that is really helping me out alot. Today has just been one of those days I didn't think I was going to make it through.
I have talked to M about my feelings and what I'm afraid of. We cried together last night, and she is moving tomorrow while I'm at work.
So I don't know how tomorrow is going to go. I'll have to get on here and let you know.

OK, So she's moving out right now as I type this.
But I think I'm ok. I'm doing alot better than I thought I would. I helped fold some of her stuff and pack it up this morning, and it was a bit theraputic.
I'm going to call today and make an appt with a therapist. I don't want to go back on meds. I don't like the side effects. Made me feel sick all the time. I want to learn how to combat my triggers on my own. I can do this. Somehow this morning, I found renewed strength.
I started my blog yesterday......
"Learning to dance in the rain"
That's one of my favorite quotes:
"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass.... It's about learning to dance in the rain"
That's what I'm trying to do.
Thanks for your support guys!

((((((justjoanie)))))))

Sorry it's going to be rough, really hoping something works out for you both. I'm also glad you have a therapist you can talk with =D

If you love something, set it free; if it comes back it's yours, if it doesn't, it never was.

-Anonymous

So I went home last night to an empty house. Her things were gone. And to make matters worse, both of my daughters were out with their boyfriends. So the house was completely empty and so quiet. All I had there were the dogs. (which, by the way, I got for her because she loves pets, and I was trying to make her happy)
I cried when I walked through the bedroom door and all her things were gone. But as I started cleaning up a bit, I felt better. But then her ex made a comment on facebook that just set me off again.
M did come by the house on her way to work (she works overnight), and came by again on her way home this morning. We talked some this morning, and although I'm not completely convinced that she's not leaving my life, and that we'll still be together, I do feel better. But I'm still in the pit.
I did get some insite reading someone elses post this morning, and it made me look at things in a different light. I just wish I could shake this dark shadow that's enveloped me, I need to see the sun again.

((((((justjoanie))))))