[Berries]

I get up around 3am. I go to my "safe place"--a comfy armchair in front of the TV where my contamination fear obsessions aren't quite as bad.

I feel such depression in these morning hours. I feel so weary of struggling through.

Sometimes I just want to die. But I can't. It would destroy my mom.

She doesn't understand the way I vegatate in my safe chair. She doesn't understand my strange behavior. She tries though. She's even read books. And I am very, very grateful of that. It's just that she feels frustrated and unhappy that I am the way I am.

I feel like she is always critizing me for stuff I do or don't do around the house (we live together) mostly because I can't (cuz of OCD). But when she focuses on the good stuff I do, I only hear--see you are faking it, you can do so much better than you are.

I am so sick of whining and feeling sorry for myself. When I told my T that last session, he said it wasn't one of my better traits. Now I feel like I can't vent to him anymore for fear he will be thinking "oh god, here she goes whining again."

I just want to be held and comforted a lot of the time. But have no one to do that.

Sorry for the long post. Just really needed to vent and not feel so lonely with this.

[turquoisesea]

(((((((Berries))))))))))

I'm sorry your T said that - I'm surprised actually. Because when you DON'T whine in session in many ways you're not doing your job by telling what you feel. Chin up Berries, you are loved

[Mike_J]

(((((Berries)))))

It's so hard on the ones we love when they see us in pain. My wife just doesn't get why sometimes she will find me currled up in a ball crying, and I can't explain to her why I'm crying because I don't know myself.

I get that nobody will every truely understand what each of us as an individual has to go through, has to deal with, but why is it so hard for others to show a bit of empathy for us?

[Rohag]

((((((( Berries! )))))))

Personal Opinion: “Whining” (or “whinging”) deserves a caring, analytic ear. “Feeling sorry for oneself” is a real feeling, and it deserves the same caring, careful inspection as does any other human feeling. A real friend, or therapist, will attempt to look beyond the annoying aspects of another’s expressions and try to get to whatever is behind those expressions.

[Hippie]

(((((Berries)))))
Your therapist needs to be told that what was said was hurtful. Try to tell your T next appointment. If your T does not seem caring enough then perhaps you should see a different therapist. Therapy is suppose to make you feel better, not worse. Good Luck to you

[Rhiannonsmoon]

Mike J this is so succinct and articulate...made me cry

Rhi

[justfloating]

((((((((((((((Berries)))))))))))))))))