[A_Long_ways]

Hey.

Haven't posted in a while, feeling really bad tonight. Kinda feeling like I don't even care anymore about my life, dunno how I got here. I should be worried about myself, my life, my future. Instead I just sit here passing the days doing nothing. Comfortably Numb by Pink Floyd speaks so much differently to me now than when I was a child. I'm so passive lately yet inside I feel a rage building, at myself, at the past year of my life, at my father, at the world in general. I do want to change but I can't even explain that to my family, after all of this time they're tired of hearing excuses, can't blame them I guess.

On top of my mental state my physical health is definately not well. I have no insurance so I can't go to the doctor or dentist. I kinda just suffer through these issues and endure the pain, one of the few things I'm good at. I'm worried I may be really sick, and I can't do anything about it. In one of the darkest corners of my brain, I actually somewhat hope for it so I can be done with this. I'm pretty much slowly commiting suicide with these cigarettes, and I can't stop.

Part of me wants to just pick up this computer and smash it through the window sitting next to me. I'm not just depressed, I'm angry. I dunno.. I'll make it through the night and hopefully wake up and go change my life! lol.. yeah...

[Lacer Vita]

There are times I love feeling anger. At least it's a "living" feeling, yanno?
Is there no way at all you can find a T? I don't have one either, and it... just sucks.

I'm glad you posted, although I'm sorry you are hurting right now.

[A_Long_ways]

Originally Posted by Lacer Vita

There are times I love feeling anger. At least it's a "living" feeling, yanno?
Is there no way at all you can find a T? I don't have one either, and it... just sucks.

I'm glad you posted, although I'm sorry you are hurting right now.

I only found two T's in my town, I tried one of them and it didn't go well, the other is way too expensive. I'm terrible in therapy sessions anyway, I always deviate from topics and give them little bits and pieces but never my true story. I'm too humiliated by the things that are screwing with my head to share it with anyone. The only person I could openly and honestly talk to broke my heart, but that's an entirely different thread. I'm just so secluded lately, it's terrible. Thanks for the support

[Butterflyangel]

I hope you can find someone to talk to. I know that T seems to not go well, but eventually you will become comfortable with someone. It makes hard when the one you need to talk to is unable to hear you anymore. I know from my own experience that it seems hopeless. but we here you. I hope you get to feeling better.