[NewDay45]

I've been feeling stuck for a while now, at work, realtionship, creatively etc. My depression has been growing steadily for 3-4 months and I'm finding myself afraid of listening to the message the depression is trying to convey. To avoid the pain of the depression I'm starting to "act out" and distract myself with the internet, flirting with people and general sexual preoccupation just to avoid the numbness, isolation and black hole of depression. If I don't address the cause or causes of the depression I'm afarid the ways in which I will try and avoid feeling depressed will cause a great deal more harm to me and those I love. Any thoughts? Just writing this is helpful.

[justjoanie]

I've discovered that acting out is definitely part of my depression. You are not alone in anything that you have said you are feeling.
You said that just writing this was helpful. Have you thought about blogging? That has really helped me alot. Sometimes I just rant. I just let everything come out. Sometimes I write a letter to the person that triggered my depression. Somtimes I just write about what's going on in my life. It's REALLY helped me alot. There is the ability to make it private if you want, if you don't want others to read it. Give that a shot, and if you don't feel that it's helpful, or you just don't want to do it, you can always delete your page and not go back.
I really hope that you are being healthy in your choices even as you are acting out.
There are alot of people here that know what you're going through, and are here to be a shoulder to cry on. Trust me, I've cried on their shoulders quite a bit. And they are full of great advise.
Feel better, and update us on how you're doing.

[NewDay45]

Thanks so much for your message. I'll definately keep up with the writing. A blog sounds too scary! I appreciate the thought and the support.

[Rhiannonsmoon]

Hello Joanie,

I think there is more than depression going on here. I think there are personality issues and deep depression and I think you should be on a combination of medication and therapy.

One part of the cycle of depression is when personality issues come to the fore as you act out. This isn't uncommon and combined treatment of drugs and therapy should make a difference.

I really hope you get this sorted and are able to stop the acting out by working on it in therapy because from what I know there are no meds to change that behaviour

Good luck with it,

Rhiannon

[MegC]

I am intrigued by the idea that depression is trying to tell you something. Lately I have been working harder at trying to find the things that can both trigger and sustain the depression. It seems like such a complex interplay of my biology and my environment.

[NewDay45]

I agree with you MegC. Biology, environment, and I would add all those parts of me that make up my "Self." My inner dialogue, my childhood and life experiences, my religious faith and spiritual awareness, my creativity. For me depression often comes along when I'm "off balance" with my life. Depression (not heavy duty clinical depression where I believe medication and therapy are essential) but the abscence of passion/desire/energy/joy/hope in my life is often the signal that I need to pay attention to things deep within me. Being aware of the "complex interplay" as you call it seems to me like the journey and path of developing greater self-awareness.