[tangodream]

I'm feeling so low this morning. Sick, tired, can't keep my eyes open. Being awake is a pain anyway because everything is gone so wrong in my life. No energy! Sinuses and throat are still about the same, too. Feeling so ashamed of myself for losing that job. Feel so useless. It hurts to think, to do anything.

My oldest step-daughter knows I've been depressed again even though I've been trying to hide it from her. I don't want the kids to be hurt because of me. This is one reason why I decided to never have kids of my own.

Plus both kids have unrealistic expectations about how much we can spend on them for things. For example, the 17 year old just told me she needs welding equipment for school this year to do her art project! Give me a break, she knows how tight money is & yet she's talking about us spending $200 for her on school supplies! I have teeth rotting out in my mouth & she wants welding equipment! No freaking way! She's never had a job of any kind, she wouldn't get a job this summer & her therapist is telling her she needs to concentrate on "being a kid", which is fine except she's going to be 18 year old in December & no matter what, she needs to trying to start growing up!

Too much going on.

Kim

[turquoisesea]

Hey there. It sounds crazy that the school wants her to get welding equipment. Perhaps you could take a look at her project, and she could do something else, or use school equipment. I agree you shouldn't have to spend that much for a school project. Is there any way you can get your teeth fixed?

You shouldnt blame yourself for causing the children harm from your depression by showing them what's going on. Regardless you're going to affect them. Try to respect them / act nice but it's so HARD to hide things. Maybe you could do a better job by coming clean and being able to RELAX a bit. It's up to you but I just had that idea and thought I might share =)