Losing Friends

Hi. I just had a girlfriend call me and tell me that she needs some space in our friendship. I've been very down since my diagnosis (brain tumor) and since my surgery and finding out that they didn't get the whole tumor. I don't have a spouse or kids or parents, so I rely on my friends as family. I guess maybe I have burdened them too much with how down I am all the time because now I'm losing one of my closest friends. I guess I'm very difficult to be around. Who would want to be around someone who is depressed and worried all the time? I just don't know how to turn this all around. I see everything as the glass is half empty right now. I'm just waiting for the other shoe to drop. What else is going to go wrong? I'm scared now I'll lose my other friends as they are all a tight-knit group that know each other.

I guess I need to hide how I feel and be more upbeat when I'm around people. It's just so hard to do. And I don't know what to talk about with people. I think I'm boring and depressing to be around.

I don't know what else to say. I feel so sad right now.

Hello, Iluuvpups! I don't know what to say, either. To have friendships fade -- no matter the reason -- is painful. Seems it's all intertwined: the tumor, the depression, the social strains. If it weren't so upsetting, it would almost be "interesting" to see which relationships survive the turmoil.

Wishing you comfort, old friends who won't wither, and new friends

You musn't hold yourself responsible for anything other people do - they're capable of making their own decisions based on what they know. If you hide stuff from them, that won't help much either.

When we face crises in our lives I think it really shows where peoples' strengths lie. Some friends have strengths in different areas. Your friend might need space for a million other reasons than you - maybe, given some time, you can ask her what's up. She might be pleased you did.

One of my closest friends has also been suffering pretty acute anxiety and depression in the past year. They can be very difficult company at times, but I still want to be around them. Despite their difficulties, they are rewarding and loyal and have as much to give me as I (hopefully) them, if we let each other. Secretly, I also am a little bit pleased to have them come talk to me when they are down. I feel guilty about this, because obviously I would like them to be better, but it is nice that they feel they can come to me.

Have my best wishes ((((((iluuvpups)))))

I am so sorry to hear of your predicament and wish you God speed in recovery. How about finding a support group for people who share your condition? Maybe you can ask your Doctor if he/she knows someone that shares your condition whom you could look toward as a mentor. Your friends are frightened because they do not understand what you are going through. Please don't fault them, it's human nature to be scared and cautious of the unknown. Try seeking out people dealing with what you are and I'm sure you'll make many friends. I wish you wellness and serenity friend.

http://www.braintumor.org/patients-f.../find-support/
http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Brain.../support-group

Hi. Thank you for the replies and your words of encouragement. I'm feeling a bit better about this today. I still have other friends. I was worried I would lose them too but I don't think that will happen. And if it does, I'll just have to work at making/finding new ones.

I appreciate the links to the brain tumor sites. I've been checking out the forums and local support groups.

It's wonderful to have the support of this community! Thank you.