Its that lovely time of the night, where nothing moves, nothing makes sound. The only noise is the rumble of the nearby motorway as the occasional HGV goes rumbling past.

And yet, in all that peace, my head wont shut the hell up.

There's "being driven mad" and there is being made to slowly go absolutly fruity.

Its ridiculous.

I was driving around from about 11 till 3 in the morning last night. I couldnt stay where i was because i feel to vulnerable.

I got woken up by the police this morning when i was sleeping in my car at about 4AM.
My first thought was "Oh god I hate these people, kill me now."
Bit of background, I'm scared of the Police, I was taken into a police station under police protection to be interviewed not just about my dads abuse, but also my mums suicide. At the Age of ten, when all you see are huge scary looking people with vests, it stays with you for a long time.

BUT

I opened this door, scared out my life, and there where two police. A lady and a man. The guy wandered of on his radio towards thier car after the lady gave him a glance.
My head started spinning under the pressure and confusion. Most of all I was full of fear. I felt sick.
And then she smiled.
She said hello.
It was a proper smile, a smile that could warm an entire room.

I was stunned.

She then asked if i wanted to talk to her, if I wanted her to contact anyone, why i was there etc
She actually had a chat with me for about an hour.

For once, the peoples i used to fear, I love and respect.
That one Lady, who could have asked loads of questions, given me grief for being parked up in a car by myself and lectured me about the dangers of being around at that time. Just sat there with her radio turned down and listened to me.

I never cry. But I did.

For once I honestly felt worth something. Not just a bit of a feeling, but I honestly felt worth it.
I actually was looking at someone who cared. She actually looked at me me when i was talking to her.
She gave me the physical space I need to feel comfortable without even asking.

I'd spent the night thinking of how to kill myself while lying in the car, hours of time. I'd been hurting myself all day, and was going to hurt myself in the morning, I was deadpan set on doing it regardless.
I didnt have time to hide those problems, I had a T shirt on, so my arms were exposed. The only mention was that she had to take my blade away from me because she couldnt leave it with me, knowing what I might do because she has a duty of care.

This one Lady has changed my life.

This really flagged up how past experiences make me judge people so much.

I'm sure there are many, many, people who judge strangers due to past experiences. I urge you not to.

[WikidPissah]

and you weren't pc'd? That's an awesome story. The cops around here would definately pc me. I drive out to the beach at night, sometimes I si, sometimes I just plan...but I better have a good story for when a police car comes by.

[Butterflyangel]

I glad you found somebody to talk to. I hope you keep that in mind when you feel hopeless. I feel that we all need something like that to cling to in our lowest times. Do you have a T? It would help. I wish you luck....

pc'd ? Sorry I'm not familiar with that term ?
The Police in the UK are overall a lot less aggressive than many Police forces out there. I'm amazed at the amount of restraint and respect they show people.

Thank-you butterflyangel, I'm sure It can't be a regular thing, but it was so nice to talk to someone. Yes I do have a T, but I'm having a lot of difficulty opening up to him at the moment.

[turquoisesea]

I'm so glad! Kind of restored my faith in humanity for a moment =D

I was genuinely amazed. Left me drained from crying so much, but with a warm fuzzy feeling inside of me