Feeling Stupid

Have you ever looked back and saw how many times and in so many ways people have stepped on you? Because you don't know how to defend yourself or are not sure if you have the right to in a given situation.
I've always craved to be protected. But I've never found that shelter.
It's strange how I've lost an urgency to protect others how I use to. Any more my thoughts are "Each man/woman for themselves". I guess I've become bitter.
It's a terrible thing. I'm losing my compassion for people. I feel stupid at the same time.
?

please don't feel stupid. we all have times when we lose the "faith" in mankind. i've done it. it's an uphill battle, at times, but you aren't stupid. it's called life. xoxox pat

No, you're not stupid, Jax. I've been thru the wringer so many times with disappointment, thinking, "Why does this person not feel as devoted as I do?" It is my nature to want to share and care for someone; I suspect you are the same. At present, I am enjoying taking care of just myself. I haven't lost faith in humanity, but at the same time, it is important to establish a solid "self" foundation. Don't give up!
Seeker

I've been stepped on too many times and have also, at times, become very uncompassionate to others sometimes. Being bitter like this can only hurt ourselves, I think. Although I can at times show concern, a lot of the time I lose the caring that I so often need to show.

Natural disasters and things like that is where I have found that I have no compassion about just because I was not involved. I know that sounds cold, but that is how things are for me. I don't know if you have this same problem or not, but it's one of my problems that I also feel guilty about.

I had been stepped on so many times I consided changing my name to Mat. Then I discovered that what was so bad about looking back was that I remembered and felt the emotional impact of every incident. What I had to do was separate the emotional content from the memory itself- Instead of feeling foolish when I relive one of many times being pranked in the eighth grade, I remember that I felt foolish when I was pranked in the eighth grade. I don't relive it, I remember it, put a name to the emotions instead of experiencing them again. That creates the distance to allow me to learn from the past and experience new stuff.

Sometimes numbness is beneficial- NOLA is a good example. I weep for them and find ways to help, but a deep, emotional investment would overwhelm me; I label what I'd feel if I was in the middle of it, acknowledge that others are feeling it, and get on with my helping without being crippled emotionally.

Sometimes I feel "stupid" because I cared... when noone else did... like I shouldn't have wasted my time either???? (Cute comment Mat, I mean Babieca) It's tough, these feelings, in this realm, for me too. (I know, too many commas in that sentence.)

Just today I drove no, wait, I woke and rose EARLY so I go drive an hour south and meet for a volunteer effort, having been promised lunch afterwards... and... no one there was near as excited about the effort as I was (and remember, I'm clinically depressed) and then... they all got in their cars and left afterwards, the one having offered lunch saying, WELL I"M GOING HOME. I felt like THEY were all going to eat but didn't want me to know it??? So I felt stupid. I call it that. Generally I say, No we are not stupid. sigh.

Numbness is what I had to evoke to be able to drive home without a sadness meltdown. What a big let down... and noone knows how it affected me ( maybe the anger comes later on?) I mean, I usually only eat once a day and had planned to do it then and there, now I'm home without a plan and might end up not eating at all today. I know I'm not stupid, but I feel stupid for caring. Is that part of what you meant?

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Hi Everybody,
First, thank you for taking the time to write to me. I really appreciate it.
I'm glad I can express feelings somewhere and people respond to them. It's nice.
I get afraid I'll grow to be one of those mean old ladies yelling at small kids and mumbling to myself with the cigarette hanging out the side of my mouth. You know the kind.
Everyone brings up good points for me to think about. It really helps.
You all seemed to understand the different degrees of what I meant even though I didn't express them and that's really cool.
*Cleansing Sigh* You're right. I'm not stupid. I have the capacity to do stupid things but it doesn't mean that I am STUPID. I need to give myself and everyone else a break.
Sky-that was really mean of them. You don't really think they went off to lunch with out you? No, you're not stupid for caring-you did the volunteer work which was good. What wasn't good was the not getting a lunch you were promised. I'd send you one of my tv dinners if I could. Fried chicken or Salsbury steak?

Sky, if I could, I'd bring dinner to you. That was an awful thing that those people did. I would feel very letdown.....xoxo pat

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I get afraid I'll grow to be one of those mean old ladies yelling at small kids and mumbling to myself with the cigarette hanging out the side of my mouth. You know the kind.

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Leave off the cig and that'll probably be me .. sooner than later! Thanks for your thoughts. Didn't mean to hi-jack the thread...

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