[Inky]

Soooo...

Today I got passed over for the temporary position they told me I was most likely going to get (it was almost certain to lead to promotion) in favor of one of my coworkers who doesn't work and often admits she doesn't need the money. It was racially motivated, I'm sure, and also had something to do with the fact that she's pretty cute and the (married) store manager is prone to carrying her into the store on snowy days.

I think I'm doing what I used to do in the days before shipping off into the Army, where I'm extremely calm but it turns out it's a clever cover-up (so clever, in fact, that I'm not even aware of it) when my whole body breaks out in hives.

I'm itchy. And my skin burns. And when this happens it tends to go on for months, starting when I wake up and only going away when I go to sleep.

So I left work early today. Like, two and a half hours early. And I shouldn't, because I should be getting all my hours for my family, but after that slap in the face and having done everything in the office by myself all day (like every day, since they so enjoy wandering the store and engaging in friendly, on-the-clock conversations) I just needed to get out.

And I didn't want my parents to know, even though I'm twenty-six and primary breadwinner (or is that because I'm twenty-six and primary breadwinner?) so I walked down the street to the apartment complex I once inquired at for pricing and sat on the bench there under a tree and smoked and listened to my iPod and pretended I did live there, that it was just me and my daughter and the basically carefree life I've always wanted, instead of going back to a house that isn't ours (living with my sister and brother-in-law), in a car we're borrowing to a family that only eats when absolutely necessary because hey, food costs money, you know (another reminder: the baby eats regular meals, because she's too young to have to deal with the way things are. I don't know how that works but I thank God it does).

So yeah.

Hives.

Again.

Annoying.

Also, this is the third time I've been the only one whose lunch they forgot to pick up after a lunch run.

And tomorrow and the next day are going to be thirteen hour long shifts on huge sale days, during which I'm sure I'll be all alone in the office as usual.

I really don't think I can face it, but I guess I will, anyway.

[Lilleth]

Not a nice situation to be in all I can say is keep going as best you can. Hoping that you manage to find the strenght to keep on.