[appleorange]

Hi, this is my first post, and I don't really know what to say, so I'm going to vent.

I have borderline personality disorder, and I don't know how to overcome it. I read on the internet that most people with borderline personality disorder do not recover from it.

I also have major depressive disorder. Which might be bipolar disorder, because I get hypomanic nearly every night. And I am medicated with things said to treat bipolar disorder. But I don't know if I'm officially diagnosed with it or not.

And, I've got generalized anxiety disorder, which is a pain in the butt. I hate it.

Right now I'm dying of loneliness. I feel like I don't have any friends...which is true, because I don't have any friends. I just want someone to talk to, that's all I want. But I have to wait until Wednesday to see my therapist. I only see her once a week for one hour, and it's not enough.

I hate people, though, even though I'm lonely. When a boy walks through a door before me instead of being a gentleman, it pisses me off beyond belief. People use me all the time, because I've got a car. People also literally run from me. I said literally. People I thought were my friend. Run away from me. I don't have a best friend. I don't have a friend at all. What I really want is a boyfriend, because they make me feel important and loved. But...I don't know any guys, and I'm a hard girl to like. There's a lot about me that's difficult to accept. I have strong opinions and short hair, really short hair. And I'm intimidating because I'm not stupid.

Any advice on how to get through this? I'm thinking about dropping out of school. Or going to the hospital. Because I have been feeling quite bad lately.

[lynn09]

Hi, appleorange, and Welcome to PC. If you are really feeling unsafe, don't hesitate to go to the hospital - take a paper with you that lists your diagnoses, your doctors' and therapist's names, and all of the meds you are on - and take all of your meds with you.

There are plenty of good, caring people here at PC at just about any time of the day or night who will provide whatever support they can - so just keep posting and letting us know how you are feeling.

As for "friends" who run from you - let them run because they're not your friends. It may take some time, but you need to be very, very selective about the people you allow into your life. You need to surround yourself with the most loving, caring, compassionate, understanding, patient, kind people who are able and willing to walk with you. Don't sell yourself short - just because you have health issues, that doesn't mean you have to settle for less than what you need in your life in order to become a healthier, stronger person and have a worthwhile life despite your health issues. Being around people who use and dessert you will only damage your self-esteem and make it more difficult for you to get healthier.

When you see your T (therapist) next, let her know that once-a-week sessions are not enough and see if she can see you more often (unless you are restricted by your insurance coverage, etc.). If for some reason you are not able to see her more often, ask if there are any support groups in your area that you can attend for free or for an affordable fee. You might even want to print out and provide copies of your posts here to your T to help her better understand how you are feeling. Also, there are other Forums here that you can post in to connect with those who are dealing with your specific issues.

Please keep posting, and please take care of yourself and keep yourself safe. lynn09