[DennyGeorge]

I am really confused. These are my 2 situations:

#1:
At times when I'm so consumed by something I'm interested in (its extremely hard to catch my interest), I'm like on top of a cloud, almost a high, and I'm also a very curious person so it really makes me feel good when I have something to learn about.

But the moment I've researched it all the way to the bottom or had too much of it (usually after about 3 days to a week), I suddenly lose interest.

Then, I'm bored. Boredom leads to my mind thinking negative things. So then I get depressed. Get consumed by my thoughts. Recently I've started having suicidal thoughts in the sense that I'll sit and wonder "What if I die... how will everyone feel?" and then I ponder on what's the least painful way to do it... I do all this knowing that suicide is not what I want, but that the pain has become so hard to deal with that suicide might help in permanently ending it all.

A couple days pass, and then I'm back at a new interest I've caught and again the cycle continues.. interest, boredom, depression, suicide, interest, boredom... you get the point.

What the hell is this???( I do have ADHD)

#2:
Another thing. I have felt isolated for the past 10 years. I've had close friends before but they've been a few, right now I don't have any close friends. zilch. I was also emotionally and sexually abused while growing up. Many have probably read on this forum a couple weeks back I was badly stuck in the past. Now i'm out of it but I still feel like i have no one and i'm all alone.

I think about the future, good things about the future, and then my mind goes to thinking "Ok, so i'll have an awesome family (Goal #1), then what? ALright, so i also have tons of money ( then what?), basically asking myself whats next... I feel like I'll never get close to anyone and if i do, they will hurt me or wont be there for me. I'll always be alone.



Additional info:
I have had therapy for 3 months, which solely focused on the dysfunction part of my family and how to pay attention to my own feelings.
I'm great at making acquantences but I suck at getting closer... I feel isolated even when I'm out at times. Also, THE SAME thing happens with some new people i meet, I find them extremely interesting in the beginning but then the more I hang out with them (or may i say indulge in the pleasures of this newfound friendship), the sooner I find them to be boring and end up dropping them. At times they offend me and i drop them and at other times I simply lose interest.

Thankyou everyone for providing validation but I would really appreicate it if you guys could provide some helpful hints that you might have learnt in CBT that I could use in both the above situations. thanks much!!