[Maya25]

I finally gathered all my courage together (what little there is) and made an appointment with my doctor next week. This week has been terrible so far and there's no way I can let myself go on feeling this way. I'm a little scared - I haven't been to the doctor for a long time - but it's mostly because I'm keeping it a secret for now.

I wanted someone to come with me, just to sit outside, but I tried to tell my parents today and it blew up in my face. I never even got as far as telling them I was going. They've been at me to stop holding everything inside, but the moment I tried to tell them what I'd been going through they started berating me for being weak. I don't think I'm weak...not exactly, its taken me years to get this far towards helping myself. When my mother left the room, my father told me to stop bothering her. They're really fed up of me, it seems, which makes me feel sort of empty.

So I will only have myself for support next week. I don't know how to tell them, but the thought of not saying anything feels wrong too. I've decided to quit my job when the time is right, because it's fuelling all of this and making me sink even faster. I don't feel like a reliable person right now, most of the time my mind is elsewhere and I'm losing interest in everything around me. I've also lost my appetite, but have been making myself eat as I normally would. I don't feel that forcing myself to go to work and coming home irritable and upset is worth it, there will be other jobs and I have myself to fix first.

I have no idea where to begin when I go to that appointment. Obviously the truth is a good start, but I'm worried that I'll leave something out that be might important. This is a big deal, admitting I have depression is probably the biggest the change in my life for years, so I'm pretty nervous.

[amberstar33]

It might be worth trying to write down how you are feeling before you go the appointment so that you know what you want to say.

Sorry that your parents weren't able to hear what you wanted to say. I am sure they want the best for you and think that the way to deal with is to stay strong.

Well done for making the decision to quit your job. Looking after yourself is a priority.

If you need to chat, PM me. I have been going to the doctors weekly since September and it was only last week I managed to show my doctor how bad I was feeling so I can relate to what you are going through.

I think you are being extremely strong in taking action. Keep up the good work, it will pay off.

[notablackbarbie]

i second what amberstar33 said. You are being brave. As scary as taking this step is, it is a positive step because you now have your Doctor on YOUR SIDE to help you gradually get better. Here's a , take care...

[jilliebeanmn]

How brave of you to seek treatment for YOURSELF, even without the support of your family. Hopefully, things will change there, but if not...get yourself well!

Good luck, Maya25.