THIS IS WHAT SCARES ME THE MOST

It scares me when I just go numb inside. When the thoughts finally seems settled on ONE thing...and that thing isn't the best option but the feeling and confidence I have in choosing that ONE thing is beyond belief and I am ok with that decision.

My head isn't spinning today. I am numb. I have decided to stop seeing my pdoc as I do not believe in taking medication anymore. I believe it is poisoning me and not helping and my pdoc doesn't know anything about me but just puts me on the lastest and newest meds.

My head isn't spinning today...that is what scares me the most!

(((((((((((Susan))))))))))
I hope you don't just stop your meds all of a sudden, because that can harm your more than it can help you. I understand your frustration. I am truly worried about you.

sj0401,
You wrote,[...the thoughts settle on ONE thing...the feeling...I have in choosing that ONE thing...I am OK with that decision...I do not believe in taking medication...it is poisoning me...my pdoc doesn't know anything about me but just puts me on...meds...].
I would like to offere you support from my perspective if you would like, but could you clarify :
A. what the ONE thing is?
B.if you think that the psychotropic drugs prescribed to you have caused some of your distress?
C. omit
D. a combination of the above
E. none of the above
F. something else
Lou

sometimes numb is ok. It might mean your body needs time to process all that has gone on the last few days. like you It is scarey when my head isn't spinning pell mell but I have learned that its ok. The world isnt going to come to a stop because my head did. Hang in there and try to enjoy the internal quiet. I do this by trying to find one thing I can do that I can't normally do when my head is going wild. Ive also learned for me it doesn't matter what that ONE thing is, or what perople think of that One thing is. It doesn't matter to start with even if it is the right or wrong thing. All that matters is that its something that you think may work for you. Some of the things I come up with to help me have been totally off the wall and therapists wouldn't think of doing it but they are amazed when I tell them what I am doing and then we try in and the outcome is amazing. For example the basic idea of mine fixing my DID is "Use dissociation to fix dissociation." and its working and when my present therapist rrelized thats what I am doing her exact words were "thats F---ing Brilliant". You know yourself and what works for you. If you have something in mind that may help I say go for it. and I can't wait to hear the results. I hated being a medication gunea pig too. Let your doctor know you are going off the meds. some meds have terrible side effects during the withdrawal period which is about two weeks. For example paxil gives an electric like jolt if a dose is missed and is SO much worse going off. The two weeks going off that I ended up taking benedryl so that I slept through the withdrawal period. So please let you prescribing doctor know you want to go off the meds if you tell him you are going to do it with or without him/her most likely they will help you by slowly lowering the dosage so you are not going cold turkey. They can also help you set up you no medication treatment plans that way once you are totally off meds you have coping tools and emergency type things like support netwoks, numbers and activities in place in case you need them. Hang in there you are doing great.

Susan,

I do agree with the statement that being NUMB is ok sometimes. You have been dealing with so much these past few months. Remembering, reliving, talking about it, and feeling all if these emotions at once. It is very, very overwhelming. I know right now, it seems hopeless, like you will never get out of the rut, but that simply is not true. You have made tremendious progress. I have seen that in you.

What I would suggest is having a talk with your Pdoc, voice your concerns and see what he/she says. I know for me, my PDoc was very easy to talk to and in the end, discussing it we both came to a mutual decision that was best. Please do not stop your meds abruptly. Although, I do understand what your saying. If anything, weaning is best, but defintly talk to your Pdoc first.



Huggles,

Jen