[ArtieGallow]

I feel so helpless right now. I feel really alone and cut off from everyone around me. My dad wants me to go back to school Wednesday, but I just cannot do it right now. I get so scared and so nervous around too many people. I was only with my younger sister and my step mom and I felt so anxious. I got so nervous, my hands were shaking, my mind kept blanking out, I can't tell if this is a dream or if this is real life.
I am terrified at the thought of going back to school. I am scared that I will have another break down and I'll try and do worse. I am trying to get better. I don't want to hurt my sisters, or my dad, or step mom, or my friends. I just feel so alone. I only want someone to listen to my words, to listen to my heart beat.

Things may seem hard now,
But listen here my child.
I am with you through it all.
No fear, no harm.
Spill out your heart,
Give me your pain.
I will be with you forever.
No matter how bad things come to seem,
Just listen to the moonlight sing.
Whisper your pain in the air,
Scream out your dreams
For the world to hear them.
But trust in your heart,
Trust in your family.
They won't leave you alone.
You are never alone, my child.
-ArtieGallow

I just wanted that to be put in there. I just thought of it and it relates to my life, somewhat. I may feel so alone, that no one cares, but that isn't true. I was just blinded by fear and pain. That was all I saw. I didn't mean to hurt my family, I didn't mean for them to cry. I just, I got so very tired. I wanted to sleep forever.
Everyone just sucked the life out of me and I was scared to let anyone in. Now, I have everyone waiting for me to let them in and I am so scared to do that. I don't want to feel helpless anymore. I want to feel happy and loved.
I may want to run, but first, I have to learn to walk.
Slowly taking baby steps.

Hey artie,
Wise words of you my friend I know you dont want to hurt anyone and that you just want the pain,sadness and lonelyness to end so do I. Try to convince your dad you arent ready to go yet take it slow and just wait till you are ready
Take care and Hang in there

[online user]

Sounds a little like you might be experiencing panic attacks from anxiety. Very common around here, but they can be scary. It's your body preparing you for "fight or flight" in case you have to protect yourself.

Glad you are proceding positively! Know we're here, thinking of you!

[turquoisesea]

Hey just wondering if you have gone to a doctor about this - have you explained this all to your Dad? Sorry I don't knw you very well so these are basic questions