[trying-her-best]

Hello there, I'm new to this sort of thing (heck, I just made an accont only a few hours ago) and had posted a question for the 'ask' part of this site. But I think I need some quicker help, so I'm going to post here what I had typed:

My family life has of late been very difficult. My brother (26) has been suffering from severe bi-polar depression (he cycles two to three times a year) for ten years now. He’s, as far as I know, doesn’t do drugs to fix the problem. Instead he buys cars and car related things; then when he doesn’t want the car anymore, he sells it for pennies on the dollar to get the next thing he wants. This of course has put my mother in severe dept, as she put all of his medical bills on her house and credit cards. He has also taken not only hers but my credit card at one point and spent money with them. As of now, he has no job and plans on not getting a job because he "can’t hold one down" because of his depression. He has stopped taking his medicine, lives at home with mom, only bathes once a week if that, sleeps all day and is up all night, does nothing around the house and is just ignoring the fact that he’s in dept.

This of course has made my mother very stressed out. The thing is that if my brother files for bankruptcy, she will go down with him as the house is tied with all the medical bills and others. She is also stress from that my sister (30) is serving a Peace Core mission down in Panama and has recently found out that she is ‘having relations’ with a native man and has filed for an extension to stay 6 months longer. For the past two years my mom has stored all of her belongings and has paid for her car insurance and has felt betrayed from this. My sister won’t talk to my mom, my brother is just letting things handle themselves and now my mother is starting to say that she really doesn’t care to live anymore because she’s "tired of being the mom". She has no mean of ‘excape’ as her work life is bad as well. She handles everything in not only her family, but for her own mother and other people in town. She has always put herself second and I think it’s finally caught up to her. She’s always in pain because she has 7 blown disks in her neck, and has always waited till the last second to do anything for herself medically.

I feel horrible by all this and am only adding to the cause, I have bad joints and have had 4 surgeries in the past and soon face another one, but because of the surgery I will be out of work for two months. I’m sure my dad will help me out but that’s about all he’ll do, he’s a alcoholic and a drug user but loves me very much, but I don’t think he knows how to ‘handle us’ kids and just throws money at us.

I’m at home as well but have been trying to get things ready to go back to school, but I don’t think my mom want’s me to move out again. I’m almost 25 now and had been successfully out on my own for almost 4 years, but when the economy fell, I had to move back in and had only plan on it for a few months, but now that ‘few months’ has almost turned to 2 years and I want to go. But my mom keeps throwing excuses out for me; saying that it would be foolish to go rent somewhere, that there aren’t good jobs out there, that I should worry about my leg for now and stay home.

I’m sorry, I’m rambling. It’s just I don’t know what to do; there are so many issues to tackle right now and there really isn’t anyone In the family that I can talk to that would understand. I live in a small town so if I talked to a friend or even a church member, the word would spread like wild fire. I can’t suggest to my mom about seeing a therapist because she’s broke and will deny any problem by saying "it’s just talk". My brother refuses to see anymore doctors and take medison "because it doesn’t work", and the doctors are reluctant to see him because of the large medical dept.

I’m literary standing in the middle and seeing my family crumble around my feet and I think that I’m the only one who sees it. What can I say and do to help?

Thank you for reading this.

[online user]

Sounds like you need to reach out to some agencies for help. Being in a small town, maybe there is nothing there and you will have to go online or larger for help. I am thinking a support group for family members of alcoholics might help. Not sure if there is such a thing for family members of people with bipolar--there are certainly the forums here. A legal aid group migt be helpful, to see exacly what faces your brother and mother with regard to his medical debt. If she left the house as collateral for payment of part of his medical debit, she would have to pay that portion of the debt or I would think it possible that she could lose it. If she did not, then I'm not sure how her house would be involved in his bankruptcy. I think people are normally left a residence when filing for bankruptcy.

So sorry your family is facing this struggle. Hope things go better for you soon.

[mudgey]

So sorry for all your troubles! I don't really have any advice other than for you to keep posting just to get it off your chest. Sounds like your brother needs a kick in the butt! I understand having a condition, but he doesn't sound like he owns up to it or even tries to beat it. You have to want to help yourself to get help. I'm afraid this is what will happen with my son as he doesn't want to do anything. Doesn't want to shower or brush teeth. Sometimes he is just gross! He is only 10 though and I'm trying to help him before he gets to where your brother is. My son has Tourettes, OCD, ODD, ADHD and bipolar. It is quite the adventure. I myself have depression which just adds to everything else.

As for the bankruptcy, I think you can keep your house if you can make payments and then the rest of your credit would be wiped? I'm not sure. You are going to have to research it. Then you have 7 years for it to clear your credit. Is there a town close to you where you could go to find the support group the previous poster talked about? You need help too or you are going to crash and burn like your mother.

Good luck with whatever happens. I hope you and your mom can hang in there. It might be better for you to stay and help your mother. She may not want to be alone with the situation.

I ditto the great opinions of those who have answered your thread.

I also commend you on your ability to delineate, and understand the failings of those you love with such compassion; considering that they may bring it all on you too.

You sound strong and clear-minded---I send you best wishes through this difficult time in your life-------------theo