[magnolia21]

I'm worried about my brother. I think he has been depressed for several years, maybe even 5. He used to be a pretty happy social person, but through a series of job changes, slowly became isolated. His current job has him working until 10:00 every night, off Sunday and Monday, which limits the amount of interaction he has with anyone. He complains all of the time about his job, but doesn't seem to be motivated enough to get another job. He sleeps a lot, is totally disorganized and often late or misses family events entirely. He has been drinking heavily on occasion (alone), and to top it all off his best friend recently died.

I finally got the nerve up to ask him if he thought he could be depressed. In general, not just because his friend died. He acknowledged that he may be, and I told him there was nothing to be embarrassed about and that he could talk to me about anything. But I think he needs real help.

His hour at work changed this week, m-f, off on weekends, which may help. But he didn't do anything this weekend. Chores or fun. I'm afraid to push him, as he tends to avoid anything that would cause conflict. I'm one of the few people that he has a personal relationship with, so I don't want him to shut me out.

I was thinking of giving him the name of a therapist that is close to his home and just suggesting that he make an appointment, but I don't know if he'll do it. Either because of no motivation/energy, or because of some show of weakness. If they tell him to see a medical doctor, or want to run tests, he will not do it.

I'd appreciate any guidance at all. I fear that it might be worse than what I know.

[Elana05]

magnolia21,

I'm so sorry to hear about this difficult situation. It is hard to see those in our family suffer. I think you have done all you can. Unfortunately, you can't force him to get help. That is the very hard part. You may find some help and comfort in a support group for partners and families of those suffering from depression.

[online user]

Wow! So sorry to hear about your brother. Does seem like he might be depressed. Does this run in your family? That makes it more common. I have the same problem with my brother. I've suggested to him everyone in the family is depressed, except my sister who is schizophrenic and bipolar, and I think both her daughters are the same, one or the other. Suggested he get help, but that's about all I can do. He lives in Canada and has socialized medicine, so he CAN get help if he wants.

I agree with Elana--if you can find a support group, they might give you more ideas, or will be caring about you, trying to deal with him. He's lucky to have you for a sister!

[craigm]

I'm sorry to hear about your brother's state also. I agree with what has already been suggested, that you can't make him seek help. I would say that you can mention it to him and then let it go. And I think the best thing you can do is to continue being the loving sister - I'm assuming your his sister because of your name that you have been, and just love him and be there for him as much as you can. And take care of yourself, be careful not to get pulled down by caring "too much" if you know what I mean. Love him and let go rather than worrying about him and always trying to help. If you are taking good care of your own life then that will naturally help him.