[Leora]

I have come to the conclusion that I am never going to start feeling better until I get some therepy, I can live with that but the 9 different Therepists that I have seen all told me that for me to heal I need my family to participate. My husband and oldest son have gone with me. (the other 2 are to young to go or understand). I have been dismissed by the rest of my family and they wouldn't go even with a gun to thier head. So how do I get better without thier participation. I am stuck on figuring out a solution. Any help would be appreciated.
Thanx
Leora

[dexter]

I'm thinking "find therapist number 10"

I agree with you that therapy is a necessary step for coping and recovery and continued wellness.

But I would think that any therapist knows that you can't always (and usually can't) change the people around you and that true healing involves making changes within yourself to cope with those external forces that won't change. That may mean finding ways to distance yourself emotionally from them or physically moving away from them or whatever.

We very often don't have control over exterior factors in our lives and understanding that is a key to recovery. We have to make changes in the only thing that we can reliably change: ourselves.

I think it is great that your husband and son have gone with you, if they are willing to do so I would try to continue to work with that. I think having some support in the household will go a LONG way toward helping you cope with the non-understanding people.

There IS hope of getting better even without their help, so keep seeking therapy that will work for you, and don't give up.

[LMo]

[kimmydawn]

I couldn't agree with Dexter more!

I'm in therapy. No one in my family has gone...not hubby or daughters, and I'm really getting alot done. My life is so different compared to before.

My birth family doesn't participate either.

I've had to work with my own realizations and behaviors...learning that I couldn't change others. It's rough, but doable.

Good Luck!

KD

Just saying that I hear you. I have no advise.



time0

[JustBen]

In your shoes, I'd be following Dexter's advice. Shop around for a new therapist, and make it clear that you're interested in doing "individual" work -- if they can't accept that for whatever reason, move on to the next.

[dexter]

I also want to acknowledge that I was being a little flip when I said "find therapist #10"

Don't necessarily give up on your current therapist. I'm sure the suggestion to get your family involved was a good one, but if that is not going to happen, let the therapist know that and see how they want to proceed. If they insist that there "can be no recovery without family participation" then that's when I say go for a new one.

I mention this because with depression our minds often misinterpret things. What your therapist might have meant as a suggestion, you depression may have turned into "well, then there's no HOPE if I can't get my family involved". That's what depression does, it distorts things and finds any loophole I can to exploit negativity and hoplessness.

Make sure you understand the therapist clearly, make sure that HE understands that you have tried, and family participation is a no-go, and then work together with your T on healing and recovery without the family. And then, as I said, if there is still a stumbling block, I'd search for another therapist.

LOLOL (not at you at the so called professional who has his/head screwed on way to tight to allow clear thinking to flow through.

If my family seeing a therapist was the requirement for healing I would be 6 feet under YEARS AND YEARS ago. My family believes therapists are "quacks" and are the ones who need their heads examined for how dare they say the life they put me through was abuse..bla bla bla. No way any of them would ever enter a therapy room.

I would get therapist number 10 and at the first session let that person know you are in therapy for yourself not your family. If at some point in the future your family would like to attend therapy with you, you will be glad to have them along but you don't expect them to participate as a requirement. Just like you being in therapy is your choice they are entitled to make their chioce in this. Once this is said the therapist will gear your therapy based on you and what you need as an indiviual not what the family needs as a unit.

And you can make progress with or without your family just like you can make progress with or without a therapist. All you need it to know is what the problem is that you want to change then locate books, support groups and so on about that problem you want to change. Whether or not you are in therapy YOU are the opne that has to fix those problems anyway right. Having a therapist just gives you someone who isn't right in the situation that can listen and point out things that you may miss from being in the thick of it.

Take care.

[JustBen]

Yeah, it gets pretty disgusting when a professional gets so carried away with a theory - in this case, Family Systems Theory - that they push people away who don't fit into their little box. If they don't have the tools to help you, they act like it's your fault.