[Music Rules Me]

Right, background on wha I'm scared about:

On Friday, I was at a barbequeue, and I had a large amount of drink.
In my drunken state, I told my mother's friend all about my depression and self harm.
Today, my parents went over to their house for dinner. I didnt go because I was tired.
By the time they came back, I was in my room, and I havent been down to see them since (they probably think I'm asleep).
But i could hear my parents talking downstairs, my dad being a quiet-angry, and my mother crying.
Now I'm not totally sure what they're talking about, but I have a strong feeling that it's about what I told my mother's friend the other day.

I'm really scared that I'm right and I have no clue what to do tomorrow...we're meant to be going to Brighton together, so I can't just try and avoid it.
I dont know how to deal with it. I'm not a person who shares things with other people. And I DEFINATELY can't deal with upsetting my parents (possibly too late if they know, but even so, if they get sad in front of me, i dont think i'd react well at all.)

Any experiences that you can share on this topic, or tips for me to try and sort this out well? I know everyone reacts differently, but I think it'd do well to be prepared.

Thanks xxxxx

[crazyman28]

Music Rules Me,

It really sucks if they found out that you self harm from a secondary source, but you are going to have to come clean (assuming they did find out). I know that it is really hard to do, but take a deep breath and just go for it. Telling them anything but the whole truth now wont make the situation any better. They may be upset now, but with them knowing you may be able to get the right treatment. Just remember that they love and are reacting to your situation adversely because they are worried. Self-harm is what you do to cope and obviously that is not healthy. They are worried and want you to have better coping skills. Be honest with them and it might not be as scary. I know that I am being rather crude, however that is what I would do if I were in your shoes. Telling your parents may benefit you and get you into recovery

Good Luck,

Crazyman28

[online user]

OK, I'd guess they probably do know. They are probably upset because you told the neighbor and not them. They are probably upset because they love you and are very concerned about your illness. They probably don't know what to do and probably don't know how to bring this up to you. Hey, you are a child of your parents--you are probably more like them than you care to realize!

OK, so what you can do:

1. If they bring the subject up, say, "Yes, I was afraid xxx might tell you. I have been keeping it a secret from you, so as not to worry you, and trying to deal with it myself. I had several drinks and wasn't thinking, when I told xxx. I am so sorry you had to hear it that way. Would you like me to explain what I think is happening?" Then, so on, tell them in your own words, what you think is going on with you.

2. If they don't bring it up, and you want to clear the air. Say, "Hey, I heard some anger and tears last night when you came home. I didn't want to intrude on your privacy, so I didn't come down last night. But if there is anything you'd like to talk with me about, I'm willing. I suspect you may have gotten an earful from XXX." Then go on as in #1 scenario.

Your parents may be calmer than you think. Or they may blow up, and your mother may cry. But this will clear the air. They love you, or they wouldn't be upset. They will be glad you are willing to talk to them about it. You will be happy your dark secret is out; no need to hide it anymore. You will be able to go back to your privacy and not have to talk about it more than you are willing once you come clean on this. But you may have a new ally in your parents, to help you fight this.

I clearly remember the night the police knocked on our door at 5AM. The officer told my dad that they had my brother's best friend, whom they arrested for joy riding in cars around the neighborhood. They said my brother was with them and ran off in the woods. They saw he was just a kid, so they didn't shoot at him. My dad said, "My son's in the basement, asleeep." The officer said, "No, we just saw him run into the woods. Please check for yourself." So dad did, and no, my brother wasn't in his basement bedroom. He agreed to bring him down to the police station when he arrived home. As you can imagine, there was a lot of anger and tears over this. My parents and my brother did learn to talk to each other. My dad showed behavior I've never seen from him before. He told my brother that he loved him and he wanted him to shape up and stop the illegal behavior. My brother was forbidden to see his old best friend anymore and did some kind of penance--wasn't jail time, maybe classes or volunteer service? Not sure. It wasn't discussed in the family.

Hoping for the best fo you--write and let us know how things go.