[Lexicon78]

I've always been one who has always loved children, always wanted them, and always been the one who everyone would give their children to. People know how good I am with children and children seem to flock to me, even if I am a complete stranger. Part of me really does love all this instant warming up that children seem to have with me. Another part of me cringes anymore.

Since me and another child was abused at the same time by the same man, I have not been able to be around children, hear children, or even contemplate the idea of even having them. It used to be my dream to have a husband, the white picket fence, the big house, and some children. That is not my dream anymore...it can't be. I just cannot have children because of 10 minutes of my life. How can a life be so completely destroyed in less than 10 minutes? It was.

I still love children to death and spoil them every chance I get, but I cannot be around them for very extended periods of time. I treat every child I meet as if they were my own, but I know I cannot have any. Biologically I can have children, but not emotionally. It was destroyed in me. And I really hate it...I hate every minute that I cannot bear to be with a child. It tears me up inside.

[EJ711]

Lexicon,
I am so sorry for what happened to you, and the sadness you have experienced about not feeling able to have your own children one day. Have you thought about discussing this incident, and the resulting emotional damage you have suffered with a good therapist?

Jane - Oz

[Lexicon78]

I've discussed this with therapist after therapist and nothing seems to get better. I don't know what's keeping me from healing from this. There are so many issues involved in this one incident.

[EJ711]

Lexicon,
Maybe you just haven't found the riight therapist, who can address all of the facets of this situation, and how it affects you today. You impress me as having so much potential.
Wishing you healing and all the best, Jane - Oz