Lonely Teen Mom

I wasn't sure where my last resort would end up, I guess on-line isn't as bad as it could be, but it seems so pathetic.
My names Desirae, I'm 19. I'm married with two children under the age of two. I'm incredibily ashamed of my sadness. I should be a happy mother, my babies are beautiful, and I'm taking thier baby days for granted.
I do not work, my husband and I agreed that it would be best if I stayed home to nurse my younger baby. At first the idea was great, I loved being a mother, but I stay in my house for months at a time. I will not see the outside or civilization for months. I feel like I'm in a prison. I am in a prison, imprisoned in my on sympathy, because nobody else cares.
My husband is cruel to me. He's an alcoholic/workaholic, and all he cares about is his job. I love him very much and I could easily tolerate that, but he's cold and hard. He has no emotions.
I gave birth to my second child, and three weeks later I witnessed my grandmother, the woman who has cared for me my entire life, pass away from pancreatic cancer.
That night I was terrified to be alone. I needed somebody, anybody. But my husband, gave me a kiss, said he was sorry, and whisked off to work leaving me with a newborn, and 13 month old. I didn't sleep the entire night, I was afraid I'd see my grandmother in my sleep.
My mother lives near by but shes a crack cocaine addict. Yesterday, she stole my babies Christmas gifts. I feel like I've been stabbed in the gut. my babies did nothing to her! I can not believe my own mother could do this to me, to them. I feel nothing but pure hate for her, I no longer consider her my mother.
I forgave her for abondening her dieing mother in the hospital, and taking her credit card on a crack spree. I forgave her for abondening me when I was 13 years old, then over and over again. But she took advantage of my generoistity, and now I'm pissed. I take it all back. She is no longer my mother, a human, or worthy to me. She will never see me or my children ever again.
If there's anybody who can say anything, I will listen. This is my last resort, if I can't find a person to talk to, then I'll remain alone, and remian unhappy in my pathetic world. I'm so mad yet in rage, what should I do?

Desirae -- first off, welcome to the forums. It seems like you're going through a terrible time in your life right now. If you're looking for someone to talk to, you've come to the right place. This forum is full of really great, supportive people who will listen.

Given everything you're going through, would you consider talking to a professional? It can be really helpful. You can call your county gov't and ask for the mental health department. They might be able to hook you up with a counselor, and maybe even help you find someone to babysit while you do.

I have tlked to proffesionals before when I was younger, and I really did recieve the help I needed at the time, but under the circumstances now I do not have medical insurance, and I'm unable to pay the fee, right now. I'd be willing to go other wise. I know these mere excuses shouldn't be enough for me to not get the help I need, ultimatley it's just finances. It saddens me, that something as simple as not making alot of money can keep a hurting person from getting the proffesional attention they need.
I try not to sit back, and rot away in my depression, I do things theraputic to myself, for example write, seek free support, and talk to my little sister, although shw doesn't understand most of the time.
I think what I mainly need to communication. I just somebody to tell me the truth, be real, and maybe suggest some things I can do.
Thanks
Desirae

Hi Desire, welcome! When I was a mostly stay at home mom I found play groups to go to with the kids. It allowed me to socialize with parents and for the children to become accustomed to being with peers. As they grew they could play and learn great skills. I wonder if you called your library if they would know. Also the governor's hotline and the congressman's hotline. They can locate the info and get back to you.

I bet it's hard being young with such small babies! It would be hard on me to have 1 small baby!

Your mother sounds like a piece of work. The only blessing here is that the kids are too young to know about their gifts getting stolen. Young children are easily satisfied.

You have an opportunity to raise those babies of yours in a way that helps them feel secure. You have so much power. Also, in my state there are parent's hotlines. It's okay to call and say hey, I am lonely and feel guilty about missing out on the baby days. There are also national hotlines you can call on parenting support.

I hope this helps. Wish we could all take turns holding babies for you and chatting. Most of us here are particular to babies. Good luck with everything and keep posting.

Well, I don't look at finances as being a "mere excuse" -- that can be a huge obstacle. I'll PM you with some resources you might want to check out.

In the meantime, I think you'll find a lot of good communication here.

Desirae,

I understand you feeling the way you do. A lot of mothers with young children feel isolated from the world. I'm sorry you find yourself in this situation currently. I'm also sorry your husband is not able to be more emotionally supportive to you.

Furthermore, I am sorry for the loss of your grandmother, who was SO dear to you.

It's sad that your mother also seems unable to show you any emotional support. It is extremely hard when your own flesh and blood, in this case your mother, behaves in such a way that you have to shut her out of your life. How sad that your mother is so desperate that she is stealing from her own daughter and grandchildren.

It would appear that your husband is not comfortable with his feelings, let alone yours. Work doesn't require emotion, and is another way for him to bury his and not deal with them, therefore, he is more comfortable there. Not a reflection on you.

Feel free to private mail me if you want to.

Wishing you brighter days. Keep us posted.

Jane

Thanks for your message. I am intrested in meeting young mothers like me. It would be difficult to get there because my husband and I share a car, but what isn't difficult, I'm sure I could work around him working. I'll have to conduct a research, but I'm good at that type of stuff. Thank you for your reply, and the advice, it's nice to have somebody care.
Desirae

i hope you find the support u need here on this forum , i have been through a ruff ride this year and found the internet a great help,
i been suffering with depression on of for the past 4 odd years ,
but back when my eldes(21 now)t was a toddler and we didnt know wat was wrong with her , they offered me meds which i refused but then i found great support in ppl , but this time it was diferant my depression was mocked by ppl that were meant to be my friends ,
i still see a doctor, been on meds this time nearly a year ,
jist be strong dont let your mum drag u down , keep busy look for things to do with your babies and go for long walks as exercise is good for depression ,also you might be able to find time to do things just for u,
i hope you will feel better soon

Hi, Desirae,

It seems that everyone is working really hard to get you squared away, so I'll offer you a ((((Warm Greeting)))) and say how happy I am you found PC...this a great bunch of great people, and we really do care about you.

You take care of those two wonderful gifts you've been given, and we'll see you around!

DJ

((((((((((((((((((Desirae))))))))))))))))))

I hope hugs are ok.

Your story is so familier to me. I too had two small children by the time I was 19. Being a mother is a hard, hard job. Even harder when you dont have a
spouse/partner to support you in the ways that you need.

I am sorry to hear about your mother and what she has done. This is a tough one. I havent been in that situation so I have no advice to offer. I am just sorry that you have to deal with that.

I am sorry to hear about your grandmother. I know how difficult that must have been for you. I watched a close relative pass away right before my eyes of pancreatic cancer and it changed me in many ways. Please dont bottle up the feeling you have about this. Keep talking about it. Journal if need be.

Please feel free to PM me if you want to talk. I know how lonley it is to be in your situation. I am here if you ever want to talk.


Huggles,


Jen

Thanks for responding, I'm trying to feel better about the entire situation, but my mother reminds me everyday. I haven't talked to her in a few weeks, and ever since my life has been better. I don't think my mother will be welcomed in my life for a while, if no,t ever agian. It depends on her. I'm ready to be free from her crap anyway.
I appreciate your response.
Ever since I've joined this site, everybody has been so supportive.
Thanks Desirae

Welcome to PC. I would suggest you at least CONTACT your local hospital's social services. You don't have to make any decisions right now, but they will be there for you... and have helped many in your situation. You owe it to your children (and to yourself) to create a better situation. Of course you're depressed! What a big job you have, plus you may be having residual post-partum depression....

It's a good thing that you've reached out to us here, for we really do care about you. If you can and are financially able, certainly get into private counseling...but at the very least PLEASE call someone IRL to help you think and find what you need to feel better!

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