[justfloating]

I'm SO ANGRY. I don't even know why. Life just building up, I guess. I mostly haven't been getting along with my brother lately. He's arrogant, selfish, insensitive to anybody else's feelings and an all around jerk. We get along all right in small doses but I just can't deal with him anymore. I think my whole family feels that way. He goes back to school in a month and we're all just thinking good riddance.

What's been bothering me lately is that he won't give me a break. He's extremely critical of absolutely everybody else so for the most part I don't take his criticisms personally (especially since he's far from perfect himself) and I just let it roll off of me. But ever since I graduated from school he's been telling me how worthless my degree is (I studied French, he's studying biology) and how I'll never get a decent job while he will go to medical school, become a doctor and out earn me. I honestly don't care if my brother winds up making more money than me one day. Money does not equal happiness in my book. I would much prefer to do a job that I enjoy for less pay, so that's not the issue. But I already have extremely low self esteem and he's triggering it BIG TIME. He keeps telling me that I should go to grad school so that I can get a decent job, when school was the thing that nearly put me over the edge in the first place. If I decide to go back to school one day, for the sake of my health it won't be for at least a few years, and it will be 100% on my terms and not because anybody else thinks it's the best thing for me. The last few years of school quite literally almost killed me. Hearing him talk about it all the time like it's the ONLY thing I should be doing is making me really upset, but I have no way of explaining that (not that he'd care if I did). He doesn't know about my depression mostly because he's so insensitive and immature that he'd probably criticize that as a personal weakness as well. I don't have the energy to defend my mental health as well as my life choices to a 19 year-old idiot I shouldn't be allowing to get to me in the first place. It's just that my mind has been telling me all these stupid things about myself for years and I have to fight them every day. It's even harder when those negative thoughts are coming from a living, breathing person, even if he is a loud-mouthed, insensitive, uncaring, arrogant, immature moron who doesn't know the first thing about the real world because his entire universe orbits around himself. I'm frustrated with myself as well as him. I should be taking the high road and just ignoring him, but I can't anymore. I don't know why I'm letting him get to me, he just IS, and because of him I can feel myself starting to slip. I've been doing so well lately too.

[Korin]

((((((((((Hug)))))))))))))

Hello, Rebecca. I wish there were simple solutions to what you are experiencing.

[Rohag]

((((((( Justfloating! ))))))))

Originally Posted by justfloating

...he is a loud-mouthed, insensitive, uncaring, arrogant, immature moron who doesn't know the first thing about the real world because his entire universe orbits around himself.

Has your brother considered going into politics? (Sorry; couldn't resist.) In some form I expect he'll become a rather colourful character in one of your future novels or stories.

Originally Posted by justfloating

I don't know why I'm letting him get to me...

From your descriptions, it sounds as if he could get to anyone and actually has seriously annoyed other family members.

My concern is for you. Given your current, actual mental state (not the ideal state we'd all like to have), what steps can you take to minimize the damage? What does self-care practically mean now?

[Elana05]

Where does he get off?
UGH.
Well, you know what I am going to say -- he just needs a good... IGNORING.
But I do know what you mean about how hard it is sometimes to let this stuff roll off your back, especially when it's a family member and especially if you are already feeling vulnerable. Family is "supposed" to be there for you, to be supportive, to offer positive feedback. While it would be nice, life holds other truths. My dad has a habit of saying some snarky stuff. (Not as bad as your brother, he seems to take the cake). But my dad has told me I never make any good decisions and some other jerky comments. When you said, "my mind has been telling me all these stupid things about myself for years and I have to fight them every day." I know just what you mean. But it really sounds like your brother has some major issues of his own, including the need to make himself feel better by putting others down. I would recommend hanging up on him if he rants on like that again. Money is most certainly not the key to happiness. He can just look at Amy Winehouse, I'm sure she was quite well off.

[googley]

(((((((((((JustFloating))))))))))

I'm so sorry your brother is being such an ***. No one deserves to be berated like his is attacking you. It is really hard to let these types of things roll off your back. Is there any way you can limit your interactions with him until he goes back to school? Like, hanging with friends, going to the library, spending time in your room? Would your parents be supportive of you in telling him cut the crap? I hope the time until he goes to school passes quickly.

[justfloating]

Thanks, all. I'm doing my best to keep my distance from my brother but living under the same roof means we have to interact occasionally. Some days are better than others. All I can hope for is that he matures within the next few years, and if not ... well, we won't be living together forever I guess, and then I can cut contact if I have to. Family has always been difficult for me in that I seem to allow them to influence me more than anyone else. It will be better once I'm out on my own and no longer around them 24/7. I just need space to extricate myself from the web of emotions they bring up when I'm around them. They're not bad people and I care about them as much as they care about me, but when you put six people who are all so radically different under one roof, the conflicts can be overwhelming. We all get along better when we can get prolonged distance from one another, it's just how we've always been, my siblings and I especially.

My brother goes back to school in four weeks. I just have to hang in there that long -- and maybe invest in some earplugs.

[Fuzzybear]

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