[Josh Kade]

I know you must get alot of things like this but I'm losing it.

I'm pretty depressed, with a whole load of self esteem issues.

I was depressed a while ago, in May, and I joined this forum, but it was never resolved, because I was dating a girl, who just seemed to make everything better. I mean, it was like, I may be a social outcast that has no abilities or skills or friends, but at least she likes me.

But yeah, now she's left me, because she just 'doesn't love me the way I love her'. Meaning she's friend zoning me pretty hard.

And now it's just effecting everything I do. Everything I used to like just isn't fun anymore, my depression is back and worse now than it ever was. My games are all boring, I can't talk to people like I could, I can't even smile. What little friends I have are all just backing away and withdrawing from me because all I do is sit there and make fake smiles.

And now I'm unstable, too. Like, I was unstable at the start of the year. That is, any mention of people's friends that I don't know or just any mention of a certain subject would just send me spiraling down for the rest of the day. But now it's anything as common as walking past a girl with dyed red hair in the street, which causes memories of her to just flush back in, which causes memories of how much I suck to just flush back in, both of which cause me to pretty much break down there and then.

Hell, I can't even watch 'dirty videos' any more because every time I see something like that, the image of some other guy doing things like that to her comes rushing in and it makes me sick.

How do I survive this? I'm completely in love with her and she doesn't love me back. We've decided that we're just not talking to eachother for a while so we can both cheer up before we try to be friends (She's got manic depression, too.) and it's just been one day and I can't bear it.

How can I carry on with my life when the constant thoughts of her are uncontrollably pushing into my head and stopping me from doing even the simplest of tasks? I can't even read Mr. Men books anymore.

Please help.

[unaluna]

If you knew the creeps I stayed with, just to avoid feeling those awful feelings. Try to separate out how much is really about her, and how much is about feeling abandoned (the original transference from mum). You did a nice job of writing about it, maybe someone else closer to this phase of life can suggest a workbook or journaling technique? Wait, I have one, Harville Hendrix, How to get the l0ve you want. Explains how where you are psychologically affects your success romantically. We're pulling for you! (so to speak)

[Josh Kade]

I still live with my parents (I'm 15.), soo it's probably not that much about abandonment, I don't think...
I'll look up the book :3 Thanks!

[Josh Kade]

isthatyouwah?

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by Josh Kade

isthatyouwah?

nevermind!

[Puffyprue]

keep your self busy or find another environtment that will bring so many positive energy for you
liuke people said time helps so give time times

hugs