. . . this is what i wonder sometimes when i'm at home all unemployed and unhappy . . . there is no reason for me not to be working, or at least trying to find a job, etc, and being 'normal'.

yet i'm not, and never have been.

[unaluna]

Well for one thing there is no such thing as "normal". Just stop getting high (just assuming!) or whatever any extraneious bad habit that might be holding you back that you CAN more or less easily drop and be the great unique individual that you are. That's what other people are interested in, and that's what society needs and will reward (ie with money). At least you're not BORING! Or old... (I better not take hits for this!)

[mgran]

I'm sorry. I often feel the same way... in fact, sometimes when I'm in recovery it's even harder, because I start to feel "normal", and then start feeling like a scrounger, or a blight on society, because I struggle so hard to "get right." That's when I take on projects, and over extend myself, and before long I'm in panic mode, and things start to fall apart. At least I've learned that about myself. It's hard.

It's not your fault though. My husband was in a wheelchair, and I often think, if someone had come up to him and said, "what's wrong with you, get out of your chair you lazy b@st@rd," I'd have known that they were talking abject nonsense, and I'd have had a right go at them. Sometimes my Dad tells me how much easier it would be if I could drive... but I simply can't do it. I start hallucinating, all the horrors of what might happen if I messed up flood through my mind, and quite frankly it becomes dangerous. Telling me that I should learn to drive is like telling my husband that he should start walking again. Telling me to pull myself out of my "fug" and start sorting my life out is simply not helpful. Yet I get a lot of this, particularly from my nearest and dearest... though my brother stopped once my diagnoses came through (it didn't come as a complete surprise to him, since he knows me better than anyone else in the family) and my stepmother has never been overbearing or judgemental at all.

IT, I don't know whether you've seen a doctor, or have any support in place. I'm in the UK, and I've got an assigned support officer from a housing association, and she helps tremendously. When I was at my most ill I had support from the short term crisis intervention team. There are people I can call upon to help me when things become utterly overwhelming (as they did do earlier this week.) Because of their help I've found some part time voluntary work that I can do, and it does make me feel less of a drain on society. I understand that I'm not a drain, I do raise a child, and the whole point of society is that it looks after its citizens, including the most vulnerable. But I know exactly how much it hurts to feel like a failure. We have to stop judging ourselves by how others cope with life, and accept that we will be different. When we come to that realisation it becomes less shameful, and easier to deal with our respective illnesses.

i guess, yeah the houseing stuff is bad too cos i don't know how i'm going to be able to afford a house and i've never had any friends or anything, although maybe i have who knows. i certainly have never had a girlfriend and can't conceive of anyone liking me enough to 'fall in love' with me or whatever.

peace out.

Hello, Illegal Toilet. Would it be fair to say what you are doing is not working for you? If so, you have to identify and change the impediments that are preventing you from realizing more of the life you have in mind for yourself. Do you know what you want from life? Have you thought about what values are important to you? What would be integral for you to have a better life? A great job? A family? Traveling? What?

Have you set goals for yourself? Have you thought about how to break the goals down into more manageable parts? If going through the process I have been describing seems overwhelming, do you think professional help is an option?

Is there one simple thing you can do today to make your life better? If so, is there any reason not to do it?

These are some links I go to on occasion when I get stuck:

http://www.school-for-champions.com/life/5questions.htm
http://www.seekingwholeness.com/wisd...ns-of-wellness

[unaluna]

When my dad died, my mom and the single lady down the street talked about what kind of men they would like to meet. They decided they wanted a plumber and an electrician, and they would trade as needed! They were kind of kidding, but the point is, you have real talents and attributes that you may not realize are attractive to other people when you are depressed. I can't decide if I am the most wonderful person or the most pathetic idiot. HOPEFULLY I am somewhere in between, just like everybody else in the world. But I was actually raised to believe the extremes about myself, like being on a roller-coaster, it's ridiculous and not easy to get over, and I'm sure it shows up in my postings. Embarrassing! But the more I post, the more the icky stuff peels off.

[madisgram]

IT, do u think your social phobia may be causing you to avoid being around other ppl?