I have been doing pretty good compared to where I was last winter, and now school has started again and im allready having alot of anxiety and stress, and the year hasnt even really started yet, feel like im going down the same road as before, maybe me worrying is just making it worse aswell, but anxiety is getting pretty bad allready, so i dont really know if im cuainsg this myself worrying so or that its really just getting worse, i dont know really so yea, i dont know what i should do

[Rohag]

Jarebear, is it the same anxiety and stress (anxieties and stresses?) as last winter, or is it different? No need to answer; just to think about.

[Marla500]

Jarebear, I don't have any advice, but hugs to you. I have anxiety, too and I have to constantly remind myself that I may not necessarily be thinking clearly when it hits, it does seem to help when I stop and think that I might have triggers going on, and try to sort out what it is, and realize it is the trigger talking and not anything else. hang in there p.s. I love the picture of your kitty, who doesn't know that feeling. it makes me want a cat, too.

Originally Posted by Rohag

Jarebear, is it the same anxiety and stress (anxieties and stresses?) as last winter, or is it different? No need to answer; just to think about.

its not as bad as last winter, but its how it started last time and christmas was at the worst for both my depression and anxiety and stress, after that i just couldnt make myself go out and do things out of my house so i stopped going outside and isolated myself wich helped me with my anxiety, but i know isolating isnt good for you, but it was alot easier

[wiprwill]

Good Luck in school and hope you start to feel much better

[Open Eyes]

Hi Jare,
I thought you were going to come to the states for this school year?

As far as the anxiety goes, yes we do feed it unintentionally. I know if I get too much on my plate I tend to be very sensitive to an anxiety that takes over and
anxiety is hard on the body, it is like running a marathon and can leave you exhausted. You do have to consciously work at finding ways to relax yourself and
slow yourself down instead of feeding into it, and it can be challenging.

I do know what you mean by isolating, I do that too. And the reason we do that is that dealing with anxiety is very challenging and there is a desire to isolate to give yourself a break. And it is very difficult to explain to other people so they can truely understand. And most people just give you a ton of different ways which translates to "Oh, just stop it" that actually makes it worse because we are already trying that.

So what you have to do is really get to know yourself and the things that cause you to be anxious. Now, you have been in therapy and by now others should be understanding that you are struggling and it is not something you are just making happen to avoid things. The truth is that things happen that pressure you because you feel it is more than you can handle so you start to get anxious and it builds until you feel exhausted and depressed.

The important thing to understand is that part of the battle is lighter because you are finally being understood and not expected to do things you cannot do or feel you cannot do for some reason. You have gotten better and you also have gotten a better handle on your own struggle, that is the good part. You have to continue to
make sure you have support and that you understand that you can only do the best you can do and there is no rush to accomplish more than you are capable of accomplishing.

You have to make sure you practice good self talk. You can also do that here as there are threads I believe in the Other Topic Forum or maybe it is the General Forum
that allows people to just place their thoughts for the day. One of them is called "Things I want to say". There is actually a few places you can do that here at PC so you will have to look around.

One of the things I do Jare is when I feel that I am struggling with anxiety I come to PC and spend time in the different forums and read different posts and try to put in some positive thoughts or ideas to others that are struggling. And what that does is it uses the frontal part of the brain which lowers the other parts of the brain that are basically the anxiety parts from getting overwhelming. That is why you like to use the games that you play, they actually reduce stress. As long as you don't use games or even forums that are upsetting.

When we have anxiety the brain has a tendency to rush around and bring on a sense of urgency as if we are getting ready to run or escape from danger, we are just designed that way. So often because we dont realize it, as stress starts that provokes the increased sense of frustration, stress, and anxiety, it gets confusing and we often feed into it instead of taking time to just know what it is and work at calming it down.

So what you have to do is first understand what is happening and second KNOW that you CAN learn to CONTROL it. The more you know about yourself, the more you can accept and understand how to find ways to help yourself.

So if school is starting you have to answer some questions. Have you done things that will make school easier for you. And what that means is that you need to meet your teachers and make sure they are aware that you have been struggling and can work much better if they help you by taking the pressure off and giving you extra help if you need it and extra time if you need it for tests or other issues that you struggle with. And I am sure your therapist can help you with that.

It is important for you to KNOW that you are experiencing some normal stress for your age and life experiences and that there are lots of others like you, it does not mean that you are a failure or worthless in anyway. There is not a real urgent rush to know who you are and what you are going to be in life, because the reality of life is that none of us truely can predict that, especially when we are in our teens and even early 20's. Life is a presentation of constant learning experiences and the verdict of who we are and exactly what we are going to achieve is not something we can predict with true certainty. It is like going to see a movie and the only way you are going to know what truely happens in that movie is to simply sit and watch it and try to enjoy all of the movie including the charectors and all the visual effects as well.

I do want to remind you about that suit Jare because that is going to effect you too.
You just have to let whatever it is go until you grow into it. You have to learn and accept that your body is definitely changing and just like watching that movie, you cannot truely predict the end result so you might as well just sit back and let it happen. And believe me, physically you are going to change a lot. And this takes place with both sexes. And it is also normal to become more aware of yourself in a sexual nature and there is no big rush there either and that is going to change dramatically as well. It is simply a part of growing Jare. And it is also very normal to look at your image in the mirror and get confused and even a bit upset. And you have to make sure you are not critical of something that has a while to really take on the final image and there are some pretty clumbsy stages. And don't forget that your body will go through growth spirts and you will feel the fatigue of it. You have to not let that make you think you are fighting depression. It is a proven fact that teenagers are really growing and changing in many ways, even in the brain and they do get tired. So wanting to take naps is not unusual.

This school year is not going to be just like last year, each year changes and you will change in every way as well. And the whole purpose of school is that you are learning how to learn (and everyone learns differently) and you are also learning about different aspects of life that you MAY need to know or understand in some way down the road in your own life path. It is not about making the grade for anyone else but yourself. And the most important thing to remember always is the old story about the tortuse and the hair. The tortuse ended up the winner remember?

And I want to remind you that how we do in school grade wise does not garuntee anyone a success in life. And social success in school runs the same way and most of the other students are not really ever going to be a strong factor in your whole life sceme. I can't even remember most of the names of anyone I went to school with.

And the other thing you should learn is how to meditate and take time out each day to just sit quietly and open your mind to quietly listening to your body and nothing more. It has been proven that by doing this the anxiety part of the brain actually shrinks.

So, just decide that you are just going to take one day at a time, your not going to rush, and when you start to feel anxious, you can choose to use the front of your brain to take over and be active and not let yourself feed that anxiety.

It takes practice, your not always going to win, but you can learn how to control it more and more until you begin to realize that all your really doing is projecting failure and troubles that you can actually work out and find ways to avoid them, deal with them and get through them.

Open Eyes

Yea im in the Us now, and they dont know anything about my mental issues so they dont know anything really, and thanks alot for the response, and you must have put alot of time into it, thanks for that too

[MyUserName]

I have a worry similar to yours. I am going back to college soon and my last college, the first year made me agrophobic and im afriad it will happen to me again. I ended up completing the years i needed to, so hopefully this time i can do it again.......agrophobic or not!

[Open Eyes]

Jare,
That is great, how do you like it, I think is it Ohio so far? I think what you should do is see if you can get an appointment with the guidance coucelor at school. If you are worried that the family you are staying with does not know, and you don't want them to know, you can wait until school starts and during school make it a point to visit the councelor. That way the councelor will make sure your teachers are aware that you struggle and they will be more accomodating.

So it is not going to be like last year Jare, you may not want to ever leave. LOL
It is great because you will see and learn and be around a whole new environment.
So what grade will you be attending here?

You should be excited, something very new and others will be curious and will also probably want to know all about you and Holland. You will most likely have more friends here too. The one thing that you want to do is make sure you set up good body language. Make sure you sit up tall and walk up right with your shoulders back.
What that will do is send a signal to others that you are confident (even if your not)
and that will make them want to get to know you better. Bullies and people who are not nice instinctively read body language so when they see someone walking around all hunched over looking down they instictively target that person. Presence is essential to success so sit up, shoulders back eyes up looking around, waiting to learn, waiting to see adventure. And that is one thing girls like (but don't really know it) as it is a signal of strength which is very attactive.

And another very important thing to make sure you remember. " SMILE " smiling is a wonderful welcome sign for humanity. When a girl looks at you and you look her right in the eyes and smile, (even if you want to look down and feel shy) , you are sending a big message that is very hard to ignore. You may get different responses, some girls will look down or away as they can get flushed with embarrassment, but they will remember the invitation. And they may want to look back to see that same inviting smile that tells them you are very approachable. The act of smiling itself is also a way the brain presents pleasure, confidence, and joy and even enlightenment. When the brain produces a smile it is also very good for the person who is doing the smile. (it also helps to decrease anxiety, the more you do it the more you will feel confident). Smiling is a very powerful tool and makes a huge difference in how you are perceived by others. When I am working around customers no matter how I feel I wear a smile, especially with the children and it always works out well. Even with other guys as it is a signal of confidence, welcoming and up for laughs and good times. So you simply must force yourself to smile as much as possible so that eventually it will happen without effort and open a lot of doors for you.

Remember I am always here Jare.

Open Eyes

[marenita]

When I went away to school, I had to be in therapy, too. Since I didn't know anyone very well, it was nice to have someone to vent my feelings to. This doesn't work for everyone, but I really feel like being open about anxiety/depression helped a ton. When people around you know that you're struggling, they'll usually make a greater effort at compassion. Also, you'll find a lot of people in the same boat. Good luck!