[mylove0mylife]

Quick note. I am not suicidal, and do not physically hurt myself (anymore). This is just a back story that I've only told about 2 other people. I hope this link can help someone else.

P.S. It won't let me put up the link...grr...go to Google and type in '8 Tiny Things' and it'll be the first link.

I found this link today called 8 Tiny Things That Stopped Suicides, it might not work for anyone, but it made me remember why I didn't commit suicide when I was 15 - 16 years old.

I grew up in a normal middle class family, with married parents, two kids, a dog and a cat. All of my friends thought my life was perfect, because my parents were still together, and I (at 16) got a car for my birthday, etc etc. What they didn't realize was the stress in my home and the loneliness I felt, and how I felt like an outcast in my own home.

All my hobbies I felt like I wasn't good enough in, my family wasn't interested in drawing, painting, music, or writing. They were interested in football, soccer, wrestling, and smarts. My brother had all they were interested in, I had all they weren't. I didn't enjoy the things my family enjoyed so I tended to lock myself up in my room, away from everyone else. In retrospect that wasn't the best thing for me to do, since loneliness was one of the problems.

My mother and I have never truly gotten along. Now that we don't live together, we can hang out every once in awhile for like...a few days, but then we have to call it quits. At the time (since I was 15 - 16) I lived with my parents, so my mom was always around. She has a tendency to make me feel...like crap. I wasn't allowed to dress like I wanted to ("You're not going out like that are you?" "I was planning on it." "Oh, no...you're not. Go change." Keep in mind this was just jeans and a t-shirt with my hair up in a pony tail...appropriate was hair down, make up on, heels, and a blouse that was girly, which I didn't feel comfortable in.) I wasn't allowed to do the things I wanted to do, e.g. play video games, play on the computer, read (I literally got grounded from reading at one point of time) and as for the video games...it was because only boys did that sort of thing, not girls. Why would girls ever want to play video games, that's absurd.

I was told I needed to have more of a social life, go to more parties, have more relationships, be in sports instead of marching band. I was told that I should have better grades (I was a A-B student, evidently I needed to be an A student only).

I was constantly yelled at for not being good enough, and no matter what I said (even though I was told to speak my mind) I was wrong. I cried a lot, and was told I was a cry baby. I started to cut myself just to get my mind off of the pain going on in my head.

One day, I had a really bad day at school, and my mom was screaming at me, so I locked myself in my room, and just sat there in the corner, listening to music (Linkin Park songs at the time were pretty depressing, so probably not the best of music to listen to). I had a pair of scissors, I had a bottle of vodka I had taken from my parents liquor cabinet, I had some sleeping pills from the medicine cabinet, and I was staring at them. My parents had gone out, my brother was at practice, so I had the house to myself. I was hesitant, and crying, and I just wanted it all to go away. After a few minutes of staring at the things in front of me, a friend called me. I answered, and he knew I was crying. I'm a horrible liar, so when he asked what's wrong and I said "Nothing" he would drop it. He kept talking to me, and I finally let in what I was wanting to do. He wouldn't let me off the phone until I put everything away, and until I was feeling better.

My friend saved my life, because he showed me that he cared. He showed me that even though I felt invisible in my family, I had friends. After a few hours I felt better and I realized it was just my mood, not a true thought in my head to want to end my life, so now whenever I get depressed, I know it's going to get better. I know that it's really not as bad as my over imaginative mind is making it out to be.

I don't talk to that particular person anymore (due to other reasons), but I will always be thankful for what he did for me that night. If it wasn't for him, I wouldn't be where I'm at today...with someone that loves me, and no matter how bad it gets will make it better.

Read that article, it's true and amazing as to how little things like that can make everything better.

[SophiaG]

Wow that is an amazing story. I am glad he was there for you when you needed him.

[alwaysrejoice]

cool article and website