[lunar23]

Right now I cant describe how I'm feeling at the moment. I feel depressed but at the same time I feel like the reason I'm depressed is because of my daily stress I'm dealing with. A few years ago when I was pregnant with my son, I had health problems I didnt really know about. I was about 4 months pregnant with him and was in a car wreck and within a couple weeks later after the car accident I ended up in the hospital with Kidney Failure. I almost lost my son. I'm was thankful that I was able to still bring a healthy baby boy into this world. Just a few months after giving birth I felt depressed like, How am I going to be able to give this child the needs he deserves, how am I going to be able to stay strong for him and be here for him. Well I ran away from my problems and dumped my child onto my parents but thankfully they did understand why I did what I did. Just when he was only 6 months old I went and married some guy off the internet. At the time I felt like it was right to do and took my 6 month on onto a bus and went 300 miles away from my family. Now looking back I see how big of a mistake a made. I regret doing that to my son. I feel so horrible about it and getting depressed just thinking about it right now. I cant see how I manage to leave my son behind several times to be with someone that only mentally and emotionaly abused me. I was never to go anywhere along, I was always asked who I was talking to, what I was doing. I couldnt talk to my family in private, I couldnt come home the first 3 months of being married to him. I felt like I had to do what he said not for him to get mad at me. So he wouldnt yell at me. I got the worst end of it when him and his family faught. I got yelled at for just staying quiet and out of it. Now almost 2 years later I lied to him and told him that I was going to come home on the 21st of Dec and come back christmas eve to spend christmas with him but was so scared to leave my parents house and my son, to even get back on a bus to go back to him. I've been away from him now for 10 months but the worst thing about it is I feel like I have to talk to him or if I dont he's going to harm himself and then I'll get blamed for it. I'm scared that if I dont talk to him hes going to cause my life a living hell cause he already threaten me with that. I dont let my parents know about any of this cause I'm scared they are going to kick me out the house and wont let me see my son but every other weekend. I'm so scared I'm going to loose everything so I keep what I'm dealing with, with my husband to myself and to friends I talk to for help. Also here around the house, my brothers girlfriend has been causing me problems. She brings up my past so much and it hurts to hear her say that I'm a bad mother, I'm lazy, I dont do anything, and the list goes on. I've been talked about on her facebook page. I've been called a ***** by her. I've been call a dumbass for asking her for help around the house when all I do is provide her a clean place to stay. The last thing she said to me and I made myself actually forget about it was when she said that I got knocked up by a dumbass which is true but unfortunally I was unable to keep the child due to my kidney problems and I had to get rid of the child. *sighs, I feel myself shaking again and feel the axienty taking over* Also said that I'm lazy and I sit around the house and stay on facebook while on the phone all day. She works part time and go to school full time and its her excuse on why she cant help out me out around the house to keep her keep just like I do only cause I feel like my parents deserve a break and I do it just to pay my parents back for all the things they've done for me. I also watched my brother take up for her last night and not me. It hurt so bad. So, I am doing one thing I promised myself I would and that to go back to school. I start school this coming Jan and just got a phone call for a job interview tomorrow right after I set up classes. Just hope it goes well and I get it or I'm just going to feel depressed again and feel like I'm just not good enough for anyone no more. That no one wants me to work for them or even be around them. I'm hurting and I do need help. I know I should go talk to a professional but I just dont have the job nor the money too. So as all this said and sorry for so long but I'm hoping I get good advice here and help with all this to help with the most part of this and when I can I'll go see professional help.

[Caretaker Leo]

You've let out a lot of feelings here - good for you!

Keep posting, keep reading what others are writing. You can pull your life together and make a good life for yourself and your child.

Believe.

[lunar23]

Originally Posted by Caretaker Leo

You've let out a lot of feelings here - good for you!

Keep posting, keep reading what others are writing. You can pull your life together and make a good life for yourself and your child.

Believe.

Thanks. Just hope someone will help me cop with all of this cause I get very over whelmed with it all. Sorry for misspelling but extremely tired due to lack of sleep last night.

So, any why I can figure out an easy way of dealing with all of this cause my brother's girlfriend isnt making it easy for me. She's still bringing up my unborn child and throwing it in my face. I dont know weather to confront her about it or just let her keep saying what she says. Just so lost and confused on the whole situation I'm in.

[Caretaker Leo]

If you can pull this off by speaking quietly and calmly, my suggestion would be to respond to her with something like the following the next time she brings up the baby or makes any other rude comment:

I appreciate your concern "girlfriend's name". I made what I felt was the best decision at the time and will continue trying to make best decisions for myself and my son.

Keep it short and sweetly stated. After you make your statement, walk away. You are taking good steps to make your future better. You are looking for a job, planning to start school in a few months - and you are contributing to the household by helping around the house. Take pride in those steps!

Change your statement words as needed for the attacks. Keep them short and keep repeating them every time she tries to put you down. This is the "broken record" approach. One of those tricks I learned while raising my sons which resulted in them quitting certain rants and behaviors. Since she sounds like a child, it just might work!

[lunar23]

Originally Posted by Caretaker Leo

If you can pull this off by speaking quietly and calmly, my suggestion would be to respond to her with something like the following the next time she brings up the baby or makes any other rude comment:

I appreciate your concern "girlfriend's name". I made what I felt was the best decision at the time and will continue trying to make best decisions for myself and my son.

Keep it short and sweetly stated. After you make your statement, walk away. You are taking good steps to make your future better. You are looking for a job, planning to start school in a few months - and you are contributing to the household by helping around the house. Take pride in those steps!

Change your statement words as needed for the attacks. Keep them short and keep repeating them every time she tries to put you down. This is the "broken record" approach. One of those tricks I learned while raising my sons which resulted in them quitting certain rants and behaviors. Since she sounds like a child, it just might work!

Thanks. I've been doing that anyways. It does help too. Just hope everything else starts looking up for the better too. I think the reason I do get depressed is cause I'm stressing myself out to help my dying husband with things he needs even though I hate him so much. I feel like if I treat him nicely he'll feel horrible about the things hes done to me in the past. So I feel like stressing about everything is making me depressed. How would I go about handling that.