[heathery]

Ive been MIA from pc for a while. I thought I could do all this alone but this is my third time returning here. I think this time im going to stay. Im,just to the point I dont know what to do. I recently started a family had a beautiful baby girl made me the happiest person in the world. But I hit that downword spirl again. I dunno what to do! I take a step back n breath but it doesn't cut it anymore. I recently found out my dad has stage 4 cancer which is terminal. He was born with health issues and spent the first five yrs in a hospital and lost half a lung. He has lung caner, copd, emphazima, and these black spots on his lungs. He wont go to a doc anymore bc he herd death. Hes giving up. Hes too young to go! Only 51. its not fair. My stomach turns everytime the phone rings in anticipation of a bad call. I cant take much more.

Then this past july I lost my 10yr old neice to bacterial menigites. That was the hardest thing ive had to deal with. I know if its my dad its gomma be just as,hard. But she was the life of everything. She loved loved loved school and reading. And when taken to the hospital she was miss diagnosed twice with flu untill taken to a different hospital bc she was,crying in her sleep we knew somethimg was wrong. At tgis point I went into labor and had my babu 29hrs later to get a call after saying shes on life support and thats the only thing keepimg her alive and I couldnt leave the hospital to say goodbye. I remeber her favorits song was if I die young,by the bamd perry and thats the sog that reminds everyone of her day to day...sorry for all the sadness here but I dont know how to cope with any of this. All I do s cry since july. Words cant describe my love for her. im stuck in a slump everything makes me sad and I cant function day to day. I have my good days but those are few and far between..... Theres sooooo much more tooo but idunoo anymore...

[depressedalaskan]

Very sorry for your lose. Very sorry for your dad's illness. Very glad you have a new child. (((((heathery))))) I am at a lose for words.

[Severijn]

Hi heathery. I've never lost someone close to me luckily, so perhaps I'm not in the right position to give advice.

But what helped me for other issues (anxiety, depression, ptsd) was reading books on that topic. These books learned me how to cope with these issues.

The knowledge of these problems gave me a feeling of bigger control over my life.

Maybe reading some good books or articles about grieving and letting it not destroy you on the inside may help.

Take care and I'm sorry to hear about your loss and that you're in so much pain.