[ricky_jsx]

hello, first off im new to the forum, and currently typing on my phone, so sorry if the spelling and grammer is 100%. im also from the uk, so might nit make 100% sense anyway

well, been feeling really down past while, its been on an off since i was about 15, im 18 now. This past year has seen big changes in my life, ive started working full time, i've changed cars, and most of my mates have gone to uni, either here or overseas.

i left college last summer, but the last 6 months or so my dad was suffering from depression, he left his job in a family bussiness after 25 odd years because of rows. So every hou i wasnt at college i would spend with him, and slowly he would be out helping me with the car, then when i left college we both wen to work for a silage contractor, he worked there before and the chap was understanding that my dad wouldnt be working long hours for a while untill he felt right, this was only meant o be a summer job, so while i was working there, i applied to a local bus company for a engineering apprentiship, which i was sucsesful in getting, then a week before i was due to start, i got a call from a local persision engineering company, my dad worked with them for his pervious job. So i went down, seen him, it was better hours, better pay and closer, so i took that job and tol the bus company. So i have been working in the percision engineering company now for 3 months, and tbh, i hate it, my family know i hate it, all i want to do is go back to farming contracting and agri engneering. my dad does this now and i spend every hour.im not working in my job, helping him and helping local farmers, not because i am greedy an like money, i usaly don get paid for the help, i do it cos its what i love. Do my family see it this way, nope, they want be to atleast finish my training for 3 years, then i can go to faming, so i have a trade to fall back on. I find it hard to get out of bed, knowing im gonna be stuck in a shed infront of a machine all day.

part of that is because its very boring and repetitive, but mostly because i have no one to talk to, when farming theres always people about to have a laugh with.

work is only part of the problem. as i said all my mates are at uni now, and im not the best at social skills, being from the country most people find it hard to understand what im saying, which really gets me down, have been mocked since i was 7 or 8 for it, been to speach people an it helped, but i still get made fun off for it. its not helped by ye fact girls just ignore me, havent had a gf inaround 3 years, fell out with my best mate of 5 years as i found out my ex was cheating on me with him, i knew it at the time, but didnt wanna end it with her till i had to. and god i miss having someone to be close to.

so as all my mates are now away, i find myself in my room playing games and watching tv on my own. not what a typical 18 year old is doing. my dad knows im not 100%, and is always checking in to see what im at, spending abit of time with me, it does help.

im in the tough position i know whats making me down all the time, but i dont know how to go about solveing it. its causing me to get run down, lost weight over tue past while an havent slept right, usaly not able to get to sleep and then sont wanna get up.

its driving me mad, i dont wanna leave my job, the country is in a bad way and i have an income, which means i can modify the one thing im life that always makes me smile without fail and thats my car. But at the same time i hate my job and it makes getting up in the mornings.

bit of a long winded story for a first post, but hada tell someone.

[madisgram]

welcome to pc. i hope you receive the support you seek here.

[depressedalaskan]

Can you volunteer over there, might be a good place to meet people, As for the job I think I would hang on to it for awhile. Maybe look for another one while you are working. Income is income. Try not to let it tear you apart. Welcome to PC Hope you have a better tomorow.