****Triggering****





Sorry to be annoying and attention seeking. I am just venting. I feel so upset at the moment. Tears are running down my face. Every time I go to work with my dad. I keep thinking suicidal thoughts. I am so fed up with this. I even cried and I tried to stop thinking. I keep thinking I'm better off dead. Later, when we went home. My dad said about us kids costing dad and mum £40 each a week. I feel such a burden. I broke down in the car. I told my dad, he might as well didn't have me. I also said I should kill myself and stuff. He told me to stop being a grizzly baby. Seriously though, if people aren't careful.. I might. I'm sorry. I can't tell my boyfriend this as it might upset him or something. I said to my dad, I won't ever get a job so what's the point? Someone said yesterday on facebook as their status. "I have a job."... great! It made me feel worse. There's lots of stuff that make me feel like crap. I feel such a burden. I think of images of death... Sorry... people don't need me. I wish I could jump off a tall building but I can't. Something is stopping me. Sorry for being here. I shouldn't be here.

Sorry mum but I wish you didn't have it so I can arrive in this world. :'( I can't stop crying.

[Willcat]

I feel for you. Being trapped in the same lousy situation over and over again would wear anybody out. What to do? I mean really, you can try your best, but sometimes that just doesn't cut it. I know I've been in a few tough stops too.

I say find some positive distraction to engage. I do it all the time. be it a video game, painting, drawing, posting in the games forum here at PC anything that can give you a few moments of reprieve from the torment you are experiencing will help.

Anywho, I wish you the best and keep on sharing or if you please venting here at PS. It can get better, we must hope for that to keep alive for our dreams.

[Miss Laura]

Hey HappyCheeks,

Any chance you can call The Samaritians and talk to them? Why can't you share your feelings with your B/F? You need TLC at the moment I think. Do you think you can talk to him?

[DenisDonnacha]

Just because you can't find work shouldn't make you feel a burden, it seems to me all young people getting jobs these days are only getting them because the know someone who works there already. And you shouldn't feel bad about the car, cars break all the time, and if it just broke it wasn't your fault it was something mechanical.
Try not to put the blame on yourself for these things because they'll only make you feel worse. It's not your fault. And your parents might say bad stuff sometimes but they'd be much worse off without you, and that's the truth.

[pinkfloyd_kay]

I know what you're going through, happycheeks At some point I've told my mom or dad the same thing that you told your dad.

If you feel comfortable talking to your dad about your feelings, try to stay calm so he'll know that you're serious. It sounds like he thought you were just upset and saying things that you didn't really mean.

You said that something is stopping you. Think about that something—whether it's your boyfriend, or a close friend or family member, your future, etc., there is a reason for you to be alive.

I wish you the very best of luck! xx

[depressedalaskan]

Us with depression have to watch out for these put downs. They can really add to our depressed feelings. I also think that you should try to talk to your dad while feeling a bit better. Being that you've got your feelings out in the open maybe he would understand if you could explain it to him more clearly. At any rate we understand here. Good luck and may you have a better tomorrow.

[TerryL]

Do you think your mum and dad will ever change? do they realize what they are doing to you?

Originally Posted by TerryL

Do you think your mum and dad will ever change? do they realize what they are doing to you?

Not really. I hate the fact that I am costing them money. I felt like I am a burden. He said it's reality telling me I cost them money and that I have to work with my dad to pay off my rent. :/ Stupid I know. I don't get anything. I think my dad made a huge mistake when he had it with mum to create me. If I'm such a flipping pain in the bum, I don't know why they had me in the first place. They might as well kill me.

Originally Posted by Miss Laura

Hey HappyCheeks,

Any chance you can call The Samaritians and talk to them? Why can't you share your feelings with your B/F? You need TLC at the moment I think. Do you think you can talk to him?

I do talk to him about my problems but sometimes I can't say too much information. Like I feel like I'm better off not here. At the moment I feel fine. I hate these stupid bad thoughts and moods. I don't think the samaritians will help.

Originally Posted by DenisDonnacha

Just because you can't find work shouldn't make you feel a burden, it seems to me all young people getting jobs these days are only getting them because the know someone who works there already. And you shouldn't feel bad about the car, cars break all the time, and if it just broke it wasn't your fault it was something mechanical.
Try not to put the blame on yourself for these things because they'll only make you feel worse. It's not your fault. And your parents might say bad stuff sometimes but they'd be much worse off without you, and that's the truth.

The car didn't break down. I did and into tears. I love how my parents love making me upset.

[TerryL]

Do you know what kind of work you would enjoy doing? Do you want to go to university? I think you mentioned about an apprenticeship. Any prospects there?

[Rohag]

Originally Posted by happycheeks

I love how my parents love making me upset.

((((((( Happycheeks! )))))))

[DenisDonnacha]

Originally Posted by happycheeks

The car didn't break down. I did and into tears. I love how my parents love making me upset.

I'm sorry, I read that wrong, still that's something you shouldn't feel bad about. It's your body's way of showing you're in trouble and you shouldn't be ashamed.

Originally Posted by TerryL

Do you know what kind of work you would enjoy doing? Do you want to go to university? I think you mentioned about an apprenticeship. Any prospects there?

Paperwork stuff. That's why I am going to do this apprenticeship.

Originally Posted by DenisDonnacha

I'm sorry, I read that wrong, still that's something you shouldn't feel bad about. It's your body's way of showing you're in trouble and you shouldn't be ashamed.

It's okay. Don't worry.

[Unrigged64072835]

((((happycheeks))))

I *so* feel for you. I was in the same situation with my dad until I joined the military at 18. It was hell until I left home.



I really hope the apprenticeship works out for you. May it be a stepping stone to a better life for you.

[TerryL]

Originally Posted by happycheeks

Paperwork stuff. That's why I am going to do this apprenticeship.

That's great about your apprenticeship. Reason I asked is because it would be good to get trained and then hopefully you will get a good job and that might help you feel better if nothing else but it will also give you the option of moving away from your parents if you choose to do so. ...Just a thought... I do still hold hope that your parents will one day realize what they are doing to you and change their ways. My memory is bad...I think you mentioned before your aunty might be able to help...?