[CaptainKidd]

Since new years, it's been very difficult for me to avoid focusing on my despair. I'm 33 and live with a friend of mine. He's been my closest friend over the last ten years. I've been living with him for the last three. To date, it's been good. Over the last 18 months in particular, I've been spiraling more and more out of control. I lost my job. I have no prospects in any aspect of my life. Most of the time, I can avoid my despair or distract myself at least. This has changed over the last two months as my roommate has gotten a new girlfriend. She's not annoying or disrespectful, but having her around has destroyed my defenses against my despair. This is especially true when I overhear them having sex. My soul-destroying loneliness, desperate poverty, self-loathing, and my helplessness to change all come crashing down on me like a tsunami. It's been absolutely horrible.

I don't know why I'm writing this. There's nothing to be done. I'm going to have to move away, but until I can get a job and build up some money again I can't. The earliest I could move would likely be this summer. Until then, I'm just going to have to try and deal with this the best I can. I hope that I can.

[OurLadysTears]

Often times when I am spiraling down in my life, having people around who are doing well and happy make me feel worse. Do you think that is partially what you are experiencing here? Maybe this makes you feel more alone? I can relate, hon. *hugs*

[Rohag]

CaptainKidd, do you live in a place where resources exist to help people in your situation? In view of your despair and anxiety, you may require practical assistance in moving forward.

??? -- 211.org