[cindyr_04]

I used to be such a positive person however I sometimes had small times with depressionn. Recently, I have become a student again and I love the program. Most people are nice in the program.

However, I feel a sense of doom and gloom. I just feel so stupid and worthless. I have had an inicdent with another student where he was making racist remarks to me and did some other discriminating things and I was angry and was told by my peers to 'not rock the boat' things have resolved however, that totally made me change how I felt about these people. I get along with everyone ok but I feel a sense of tension within the group when dealing with me.

I feel that I am the slowest learner. I don't think I'm stupid nessisarly but I work so hard for such average results and it really brings me down. Everyone else seems to be so much more emotionally balanced then myself.

I have had a difficult childhood with an abusive father but a very strong mother figure (thank god) I have had to work since I was 12 to live. I used to have a lot of anxiety, anger, depressionn which was made worse with difficutly I had in school and the extreme unsupportive teaching staff and the inibility for my family to help me caused me to developed a positive atitude and resilience which I pride in. However, as a child I would find myself forgetting periods of time or seeing bad situations in 3rd person and having brief explosive bursts of anger. I constantly struggled with self esteem issues and in middle school developed an eating disorder which I got over when I joined a martial arts class. To make a long story short I did go to school I ended up being a teacher and spent years travelling and working. Very enjoyable and a happy time in my life.

I understand the grind of school, and the loss of finances is annoying but I have done and been through much more challenging times with such a positive attitude why is being in school draining me so much. I feel like I'm such a stupid person. I have just recently startd to excersice again which I think will help. I don't know what to do. I can't affort therapy.

Is there any suggestions from anyone that they found helpful?

[Rohag]

Hello & Welcome, Cindyr_04!

Originally Posted by cindyr_04

I understand the grind of school, and the loss of finances is annoying but I have done and been through much more challenging times with such a positive attitude why is being in school draining me so much.

One Possibility: Your personal strategic reserve of resilience has been depleted. Whereas in the past these current annoyances would have been minor, now they tax your "system" far more.

Another Possibility: You are simultaneously dealing with something else as yet unseen, an illness perhaps.

Please take the best care of yourself you can with your present resources. Please keep posting.