[Asilwen]

Hi, I'm new here but I really need to talk to someone. This post will probably be huge, I'm sorry.

My parents decided to move our family to another country when I was 10 years old. They had applied for several permanent residence programs and got rejected for all. Then they applied for refugee status and after 4 years and an interview, we got rejected for that too. To make a long story short, we had to go back.

So I am now in the country we used to live in, but it is foreign to me. I don't know the language anymore and I've lost everything and everyone I love because we moved back. I am now 21 and have lived in another country for half of my life, and now everything was taken away.

I've always wanted to go to college in that country, but I keep reading stories online about how people get rejected for student visa's all the time because the visa officers don't believe you will come back to your country of citizenship. I would definitely come back, as my entire family is here now. But I still want my education to come from THAT country. I don't know how I would ever prove that because we left a month ago. However, I did get my acceptance from my dream college.

I'm terrified that my dream won't come true. I don't know the language in this country, I had all my friends taken away from me, and now I can't go to the school I've dreamed of going to. I feel like I'm being punished for what my parents had done. I was just a kid and I want a chance to realize my dreams, but I feel so helpless and hopeless because I think they will blame me for my parents' mistakes. I've applied to this school 3 years in a row and got early acceptances every time.. but because of our status in the other country, I was never able to go because I was scared they would tell me to leave halfway through a semester (which would have happened if I decided to go).

I feel like there's no way out of this situation and no one really cares. I feel stupid complaining because I haven't even applied for the study permit yet, but I get really nervous, stressed, and depressed about it while I think about getting rejected for it. Especially because we've gone through so many rejections in the other country... I just have no hope that something good can happen to me.

The worst part is that I can't even get along with my parents because, even though I don't want to, I blame them for doing this to my life. I know they wanted what's best for us, but I feel like they ruined my life instead. I feel horrible for feeling like this and I feel stupid for being so depressed when other people have legitimate reasons of being depressed.

I feel very alone and lost here. I just don't want to be here right now at all.

[Rohag]

Hello & Welcome, Asilwen!

Circumstances have prevented you from truly belonging both where you were and where you are. This is greatly discouraging and alienating.

It sounds to me you would be successful in your studies in the university you have chosen. Do you have the strength to pursue the student visa in spite of the fear of rejection?

[teop]

There is no "legitimate" reason for being depressed, you wither are or you're not...don't feel guilty because you don't believe you have experienced enough to be depressed because you have.

As far as your application, what's worse, the possibility of being rejected or the stress of putting together all of the paperwork?