[tinathatcher]

My grandmother has dementia, she's in Hawaii and I am in Oregon. I tend to avoid calling her, I don't have a good reason for it, but I called her today. She got on the phone and we talked for 10 minutes, but she didn't even know who I was. I spoke to my aunt and she said that she started getting a lot worse in January, but has been progressing pretty steady. I can't remember how long it has been since the last time I called, and it makes me feel so sad and horrible. It is my own fault she doesn't remember me, I am never there and never call..

[cornercurio]

Call her and you'll both feel better!!!!

[Sprite~]

Tina~ I'm sorry that you're going through this. It can be very difficult, to say the least.

Remember, though, that it's not your fault that she doesn't remember you. Dementia takes over the mind and can make people with it forget who their primary caretakers are, their own children, spouses...So it's not that you've done anything wrong. It's par for her course with dementia.

That you reached out to her is kind-hearted and I bet that your family is happy about it. Try not to take it personal that she may not remember next time you speak to her. Hang in there!

[Callmebj]

Originally Posted by tinathatcher

My grandmother has dementia, she's in Hawaii and I am in Oregon. I tend to avoid calling her, I don't have a good reason for it, but I called her today. She got on the phone and we talked for 10 minutes, but she didn't even know who I was. I spoke to my aunt and she said that she started getting a lot worse in January, but has been progressing pretty steady. I can't remember how long it has been since the last time I called, and it makes me feel so sad and horrible. It is my own fault she doesn't remember me, I am never there and never call..

No tina, this is not your fault, but something typical to dementia. I've volunteered a lot with older people and even hospice. Her memory is failing
and soon, if not already, she likely won't remember her children either.
Just knowing she is like this, please still call her when you can. She
may not remember it...but the important thing is that you remember
her and who she has been to you all your years. hugs, bj