[nicoleb2]

I am on at least my 5th or 6th med change in a couple of months. I have had bad reactions to the ones i have tried. Now I feel awful again from a med change. I can't keep doing this.

As I laid in bed today because I couldn't get up, I contemplated suicide. I planned how and where I would do it. I texted my t instead, so we are working through it, but when I see her monday, I worry that she will want to send me to the hospital. On my dbt diary card, I wrote that I had thought about and planned how I would kill myself, but managed not to do it, but if things don't get better, if I have to attempt another med change, those thoughts are going to be harder to keep from becoming actions

Just to be clear, I am not going to kill myself now. I am scared about the thoughts and difficulties I have been having, and am staying in contact with my t about all of it

[Flooded]

Love to you, sweetie. Take good care x

[SoupDragon]

Hey nicoleb2 - it is really good that you can share these thoughts with your T and write then in your diary. I know I have struggled with them at times and in the moment they can be very powerful and compelling BUT, they are much less intense now and looking back I am glad that I didn't not proceed with any actions, the thoughts do pass eventually.

Don't let them get the better of you, keep talking about them and allow others to help you if you are concerned about your ability to keep yourself safe while they are so intense.

Take care - Soup

[degfreak]

I know what you're going through. I was so scared of my thoughts about killing myself that i committed myself into kingswood hospital. It was so scary at first but it helped me a little bit. At the moment I'm still having a very hard time with my depression, anxiety and panic disorder. I am also scared about having to go through different medications, the ones I'm on now seem to not be working, but my psychiatrist keeps telling me to give them time. I've been on them for a month now, and sometimes they work, but most of the time I feel like dying. It's really hard dealing with everything but I know that I have people in my life that would be crushed if I died. so for them I keep on trying to battle my way through this. I know it seems like you may be alone or that life isn't going to get better but it has to at some point, it just takes time. If you need to talk, I'm here and so are all the other people here.

[tohelpafriend]

[quote=degfreak;2251036]I know what you're going through. I was so scared of my thoughts about killing myself that i committed myself into kingswood hospital. It was so scary at first but it helped me a little bit. At the moment I'm still having a very hard time with my depression, anxiety and panic disorder..

Dear Degfreak,
I hope thngs are more stable with you today. You did the right thing, knowing where to go for help. As you wrote, there are people to live
for and who love you. Good thoughts and prayers to you today.
Get well soon!!! It does get better after the storm, even if we feel broken.
I hope you are getting good food there, also. I was hospitalized in another country for three months but I had a support friend who visited me. They overdid the meds, but I went on to graduate school. Maybe you can keep a journal to help someone later? Peace, good vibes to you,
get well soon!!!

[JLarissaDragon]

I am so sorry that you are feeling this way and I hope today is better for you. I have days when I don't want to go on, but somehow always manage to somehow go own. I don't have any easy answers, but contacting your therapist in these times is really important. I just wanted to let you know that there are many of us that love you and we care