Relationship with Someone you Love

I am in a 4 month relationship and he was pretty up front about his past and how he had been battling depression. I knew he was taking anti-depressents and talking to a therapist 2x week. In January he quit his job saying he wanted to go back to school to become an Occupational Therapist (which is what I am), he started one of his prerequisites but failed the first test. This along with not having a job which puts him with also money issues has increased his depression. He told me a few weeks ago he had stopped his meds, and I told him the consequences could be but he didnt want to hear it and just would tell me its his business and he is tired of being on them. I would ask how he was but he would say fine, told me his class was going good. Lying to me about everything. I didnt see anything coming. Yesterday he dropped me off at work then I get a call from his mom that his therapist made him go to the hospital. He is having suicidal thoughts and says I deserve someone better. I dont know what to do. He wont let me talk to him or go see him. I love him so much. I havent told nay of my family ro friends about this. I dont want them to know. Not yet. I need advice. Here I am an Occupational therapist with some educational/profession experience background with depression but I dont know how to be there for him.

I'm so sorry for what you are going through right now with him, but he needs to make that decision on whether he wants to talk or not. I know you want to know how he is doing, but if he's refusing - let him be.

Don't let this incident overshadow YOU and your needs, though. As much as you want to help him, you really can't. It's up to him now. I know it's easy to commiserate with someone who seems to feel the same way you do, but don't let this become all about him and his needs. You matter, too.

I had a bipolar boyfriend, and I have suffered from depression for years. As much as I tried to help him, it only fueled his depression for some reason. That's the hardest thing to accept, I think. That you really can't help someone else unless they want it.

It made my depression worse because I felt like a failure because I couldn't help him, not realizing my needs too. Please don't let this happen to you. Do not, under any circumstances, wonder what you could or couldn't to make this NOT happen. He's in pain, and he needs to deal with it.

As for your family and friends - they don't need to know. Not right now.

Remember that his depression isn't about you - it's about how low he's feeling as a person right now. You didn't do anything wrong, and you tried to help. Now it's out of your hands. As hard as it is, you will have to wait and see what happens and he'll let you know when he's ready to talk to you.

Just let him know that when he's ready that he can talk to you. He needs support without anyone enabling him. You have every right to be upset about him lying to you, but don't accuse. He was probably covering up for himself, and feeling even more worthless by feeling like he had to lie. I'm not excusing what he did, but he probably didn't want to look like a loser or failure to you.

Be patient. Be loving. Be supportive. But wait for his response to you first. He needs some time...