[Eileithia]

I have recently realized that I am possibly suffering from depression. I unfortunately cannot go to a doctor as I have no medical aid. I have no one to talk to as my fiancee also suffers from depression and my mother is severely ill at the moment so I have no one. I cannot tell my fiancee how bad things are at the moment as it will only upset him and make things worse for him.

I cannot leave the house at this point in time, so I cannot even go to a clinic and seek help there. I realize that I need help, but I do not know where to turn to. If there is anyone out there who can just talk to me I think it will already help a lot.

Please help me?

[TerryL]

Hi Eileithia-I am so sorry you and your loved ones are having such a difficult time. Are you the person who is taking care of your mother? Is your fiance receiving any kind of therapy? As for you not being able to seek therapy for yourself, we are all listening.

[Rohag]

Hello & Welcome, Eileithia! Here are a couple initial, non-diagnostic screening quizzes:

• PsychCentral Depression Quiz
• Sanity Score Quiz

PsychCentral Depression Resources

Feel free to keep posting. As TerryL says, we are listening. You feel kind of trapped, yes?

[Eileithia]

Thank you so much for replying, it feels a bit better to know that there is someone out there listening. He has been on anti-depressants since he lost his hearing eight years ago, but he refuses to see a therapist. He says they don't work for him.

I am currently unemployed so I am taking care of my mother. She has been to the hospital but no one is sure what is wrong with her. They think it might be cancer but we will only get the results of the biopsy back at the end of the month.

This is also the second time we have had to move in the space of 6 months through no choice of our own, plus our car got stolen yesterday.

I feel utterly worthless because there is nothing I can do to help my mother and fiancee through this situation. He is taking all this particularly hard and I can't be there for him if I can't even help myself.

I really don't know what to do anymore.

[TerryL]

You certainly have a lot to deal with

Is there a school for the deaf and blind in your area? If yes, might it help if your fiance got to see how others with his disability can still lead a normal life? or is his depression from another matter? Maybe he needs talk therapy instead of just meds? and there are good Ts and ineffective ones too. Perhaps you can try to get a referral from the school?

As for your mother, waiting for the results of the biopsy must be hard. I hope her ailment turns out to be minor.

Having to move twice in 6 months must be a total pain and rightfully depressing. I hope your home base will stay stationery for a while.

And you have no reason to feel worthless. You sound very supportive but as far as your fiance's situation is concerned--You can only do so much. He needs to make some effort too. He is lucky you are there for him.

and Eileithia, you are so busy taking care of everyone else, please don't forget to take care of yourself also. Wishing you well.

[Eileithia]

I believe he was diagnosed with clinical depression after he got meningitis. I did not know him back then, but he says the therapist told him that it was the meningitis that messed up his brain. It was also because of the meningitis that he lost his hearing.

He has a cochlear implant so his hearing is almost as good as yours or mine. The problem comes in when he has bad hearing days, when he struggles to hear because he is tired or sick, then he gets even more depressed and it becomes a vicious cycle that he cannot get out of. On these days he is also very likely to get panic attacks.

He supports me a lot, I just feel bad because I cannot return the support on those days that he needs me. Especially now that my mum is sick, it is even more difficult to be there for him.

Thank you again for listening, this is the only way I can talk about this, so thanks.

[jk2833]

Originally Posted by Eileithia

I have recently realized that I am possibly suffering from depression. I unfortunately cannot go to a doctor as I have no medical aid. I have no one to talk to as my fiancee also suffers from depression and my mother is severely ill at the moment so I have no one. I cannot tell my fiancee how bad things are at the moment as it will only upset him and make things worse for him.

I cannot leave the house at this point in time, so I cannot even go to a clinic and seek help there. I realize that I need help, but I do not know where to turn to. If there is anyone out there who can just talk to me I think it will already help a lot.

Please help me?

hello there I wanted to reply as I'm in a similar situation to yourself, and due to mobility issues and horrific anxiety even thinking about leaving the house being housebound is a way of life for me.
Firstly can I just say the forums on here are a godsend as you can come on when you need to and nobody knows who you are,and there's nothing you can say that other members cant relate to.
I'm always around so feel free to private message me for a chat or just to get things off your chest,I promise you this site will be a great support to you
Take care
Jk

[TerryL]

Originally Posted by Eileithia

I believe he was diagnosed with clinical depression after he got meningitis. I did not know him back then, but he says the therapist told him that it was the meningitis that messed up his brain. It was also because of the meningitis that he lost his hearing.

He has a cochlear implant so his hearing is almost as good as yours or mine. The problem comes in when he has bad hearing days, when he struggles to hear because he is tired or sick, then he gets even more depressed and it becomes a vicious cycle that he cannot get out of. On these days he is also very likely to get panic attacks.

He supports me a lot, I just feel bad because I cannot return the support on those days that he needs me. Especially now that my mum is sick, it is even more difficult to be there for him.

Thank you again for listening, this is the only way I can talk about this, so thanks.

It's too bad about the effects the meningitis had on him. I just saw on CNN the other day about this new experimental surgery that implants electrodes in area 25 of the brain, the part that affects depression. It's pretty drastic, not sure if that is relevant for your fiance... As for the cochlear implants,I didn't realize that they don't always work. Have there been any new advancements lately? As for not being able to be there for him because of your mother, he sounds like a good man, I am sure he understands. You are lucky to have each other. Anyways, please post as much as you need. I'm still listening.

[puzzclar]

Eileithia,
It sounds like you have been through a lot. and yes our physical condition can dictate how we feel emotionally. I like you had a significant other that had depression. It was almost like an on/off switch betwen us. It's very hard to handle, but it can be done. Venting helps, jumping up and down/marching in place can help give some positve endorphines which can help elivate mood.

If you need someone to vent to, just let me know.

[Eileithia]

Thank you so much to everyone for your support. I will never be able to properly express my gratitude.

He has seen the news about the implant that helps with the depression, but in a country where laser eye surgery is considered as "cosmetic surgery" I do not know whether that will ever be an option. As for his cochlear implant, he only has it on his right side which makes it difficult for him to hear when someone his behind him. The problem only comes in when he hasn't slept well or is depressed, then his concentration is not what it should be and he struggles to hear.

He understands completely about my mother, but the events of the last couple of months have taken its toll on him as well so his depression is a lot worse. When I get down he doesn't know how to handle it and he sometimes even gets a panic attack then. I feel rotten when this happens. He is such a wonderful man and I just wish I could support him more.

It is just good to know that there are people out there who understand. People who can relate. Thanks for all the advice and support.