[nowheretorun]

Hey Everyone

Hope everyone is doing well today. Had some time and felt well enough to drop a note.

What's been going on? Well, after my last post in Dec., I spent six weeks in jail. The charge was a DUI but since I was not guilty I was released back into the community and continued my search for satisfying work and life meaning. The experience was humiliating and depressing. I was able to see how little "the system" thinks of me and my life's accomplishments. Now what?

My mother has been helpful. She's the one who was severely injured in an auto accident several years back and really does need a pair of hands to help out once in awhile. I've tried to make the best of all considerations and began devoting more time to helping her out some. Lucky for me she really needs this help. In return she's given me more than a cheap place to stay. Not sure how I feel about living w/mom at my age but God knows we both need each other right now.

So, I've given up on having any kind of "normal" life. Right now I'm not even working (again). I have hours and hours of free time (which really isn't so bad). I spend my time in parks and dreaming about a wide variety of things, but mostly about WHERE THINGS WENT WRONG in my life, WHAT I'D DO DIFFERENTLY, and etc... Really, aside from my social embarrasment, I feel pretty good about what I'm doing now. It's just that I feel like such a social misfit.

I'm looking for p/t paid work as a dishwasher or some other non-complicated means of supportng myself. Since I still have the van (converted into a mini rec vehicle), I can travel and have a place anywhere I go. It's not so bad. But sometimes I still wonder what all my life adds up to. What have I learned? What is it all for?

I still get very disturbed when thinking about a lot of things. I'm learning to appreciate the beauty of each moment. With so much free time I want to use it for something really positive. Thankfully I live in a beautiful area and being outdoors so much is inspiring. At times I feel like my REAL HEALING is finally beginning. I hope so ...

That's all for now, I hope all my friends and everyone else here is well today and everyday...

it sounds, to me, that you're in a very good space right now! congratulations for acceptance and growing.....xoxoxo at