[PanickedMind]

Hello everyone. I've been dealing with Major depressive disorder, GAD (generalized anxiety disorder), and agoraphobia since I was 12. I'm now 19.
My agoraphobia and low self esteem compelled me to drop out of school at the age of 15. Since then I have done nothing whatsoever with my life. I can rarely even motivate myself to walk out the front door. Everyday is a constant struggle and I'm just hoping things will get better for me soon. I currently live with my mom and boyfriend. Financial matters are very tight and living with my mom is a constant battle. (We disagree on a lot of matters and she has been on crystal meth for the past year.) I know I need to get a job and better myself so I can get out of this situation. The problem is I have no motivation whatsoever. I am constantly tense and on edge. I have at least 2 major panic attacks a day, sometimes more. I am in constant pain from chronic back, neck and shoulder tension. My depression has gotten worse so I find myself always thinking negative. I'm always angry and irritable and snapping at my boyfriend for no damn reason. I'm sure he is tired of putting up with me, I'm even tired of myself. I just wish I could get over this hump, but it's so difficult for me to get motivated and not be afraid. I am afraid of everything life has to offer. I've tried therapy and close to ten different anti-depressants when I was on medicaid, but now that I don't have insurance (because I turned 19) I have no way to afford actual help. I've tried herbs, St.Johns wort, B-complex vitamins, etc. Nothing is working. The worst part is I have been using vicodin 10mg as a crutch to get through this depression and anxiety. It's the only thing that helps me. I haven't had it for two days so I'm also going through really bad withdrawls. I just don't know what to do anymoree. Please if anyone has any input, I would appreciate it so much.

[Leed]

Hi ~ Sounds like you've been thru the mill. I'm sorry as I too have been depressed for many many years, but the antidepressant do work for me, and I've been thru therapy (years of it!)

I'm just asking, but did you know that it takes about 6 weeks for the antidepressants to BEGIN working??? They will NOT take effect before that. You will NOT begin to feel better before 6 weeks from the time you take your first dose. I don't know if anyone ever told you that. When you said you tried 10 different ones, it doesn't seem like you're OLD enough to have tried that many. LOL

I'm glad you quit using the Vicodin cause that stuff has "Tylenol" in it and that is DAMAGING to the liver!!! It's ok for once in awhile use, but if you take it daily over a long period of time, your liver is going to be affected. And that's not good.

Check with Social Services again, and see if you might qualify for Emergency Medicaid -- with your problems & situation, you might qualify for some help for a specific period of time -- or even long-term. You MIGHT need medical documentation, I don't know. But give it a try. I know it will be hard for you since it's difficult for you to go out, but it's something you'll need to do to get some help! You really NEED to see a therapist and/or doctor!!! Please let us know how you come out cause we care (I do anyway!) God bless & take care of YOU. Hugs, Lee

[shezbut]

Have you tried going into your county offices for some type of assistance?

#1.) I know that counties all over are experiencing a big pinch, but when the stakes are higher, it only costs them more! Many counties offer physical and emotional assistance, on a sliding fee scale. That helped me for years!

#2.) Another possibility is applying for MA. That takes longer, and is a lot more stressful than county aid. But if things with the county don't work out, that just might be the best bet for you.

#3.) Another option (I'd choose this one last, under your current situation) is to go to a mental hospital. It would be unethical for the hospital to deny you any assistance. And I think that most hospitals have social workers to help patients get through the maze & find the best fit for them.

Counties also have social workers for each case & they are VERY supportive & helpful.

Very best wishes to you!

[Idiot17]

I dont really have any advice for you, though ive been depresed all my life and nit on any med. just know always here to listen.
Leed- isnt it advil( ibuprophin) which destroys the liver?