What I'm talking about here is real life stories but not something as awful as rape or murder, but something just a "bit less" awful then this.

What if someone comes to you as says he/she is really hurting because of another person. Your heart will go to this person and you will try to support he/her the best you can. But what about the other side of the story? What if the other person is hurting too but just keep silent? What about if this story has been exagerated? What about if the truth is hiding in the other person's heart? What about if the other person is condemed when he/she is innocent on the other side of the story? What about if the other person will keep on hurting because now people judge him/her because the first person has told lies?

[patricia72]

One thing I have learned is that there is always two sides to every story...
I have learned to not take one side seriously until I have heard both...then I form my opinion and decide if I want to help and give support or not...
This is my personal way of seeing it, not eveyone is the same.
Patricia

[Fuzzybear]

I mostly agree with patricia. I would also trust my gut, check my boundaries and think whether the person/people involved is kind and sincere in your experience (everyone messes up sometimes and everyone judges each situation through their own, often distorted, filter Sounds a horrible situation

(((((((((( Time0 ))))))))))

I was recently in such a situation where one person was saying things and advising me not to support another. How I deal with it is When someone comes to me to talk about a person not themselves I disregard everything about the person that the "informer" tells me. Its not up to the "informer" to tell me about other people. I figure if the person of topic wants me to know these things that the "informer" is telling me about, that person will tell me thier self. I also let the "informer" know that I don't appreciate being pulled into a situation that does not involve me, then I cut off contact with the "informer" because if they are betraying the confidence of the person of topic then the odds are good to great that the "informer" is also betraying my information that I disclosed to him or her in confidence and trust.

Then I continue supporting and being there for the person of topic because for all I know the "informer" could have just been lashing out during anger and so against the person of topic so the validity of what was revieled to me could be true or it could be just lies.

Just because the "informer" is being unsupportive and partaking in the spreading of gossip does not mean I have to do the same.

Since my personal experience with the person of topic has shown nothing in the way of hurting others that person deserves my attention and support regardless of the information given to me from the "informer"

[SongBirdandDaisy]

I would also like to add, that perhaps, the "informer" may have been looking for advice of validation of their interpretation or perspective? I recently asked for help from friends about something someone did and found that it was my misinterpretation, after I had addressed the person in question myself and received no validated response. So, it's just a "footnote".

You're so smart, Myself.

SongBird

Thanks ((((((((((((SongBird))))))))))) you're terrific too.

Something bad happened between me and another person (In my real life not online). But I never said anything about it to anyone. But this other person did. And now when I see people that knows both of us, I am the bad one. I am the b***h. People can be mean and not be scare of saying how they think I am the b***h.

It does hurt me because I know, nothing of this was my fault. I do blame myself for a lot of things and I have a very very low self esteem but I know, this time, it wasn't my fault and everything this person is saying is not the truth. I do not defend myself because this other person is my husband.

[nothemama8]

pray for your husband and seek counseling for him, he won't want to go but you need to seek counseling so you can understand why he is like he is
Angie

[bipolar_bear]

(((((((((((((time0)))))))))))))))))

[SongBirdandDaisy]

time0

I have delt with a similar situation and am still doing so. When the person you love and is supposed to love you does things like that, it hurts even more.

When I am in a good place mental health wise, I plan what I am going to say, take a deep breath, and say "I feel ___________ when you _____________ and I prefer that you____________________." It's hard, but it's better than suffering in silence, as I have for way too many years.

I tell myself, okay, I can either be miserable and not rock the boat, or, I can address this issue because he hurt me and things can't get worse for me anymore than they are. Sometimes it works for me.

Just thought I would share. I hope things work out for you. No one deserves to be hurt like that.

Hugs,
SongBird