[Lost Lamb]

I'm so sick of people who won't try to understand. I tried to talk to my sister today on the phone and I need soemone to talk to. She's always told me I could talk to her. So she asked how I am? I said, I 'm just really depressed. Her answer was, so I'm depressed too and she went on to talk about something else. I don't talk to her that much so its not like that's all I talk about. And she asked and I'm tired of saying I'm fine.
AM I feeling sorry for myself. Maybe. I just want to be active and living again. I'm tired of existing like this.
Sorry, I had to get that out.

[Idiot17]

i so don't think you're feeling sorry for yourself. i think i can see where your coming from, since im so sick of pretending that im not depressed and i just want my parents to notice instead of making it sound like it's all fine. i don't have anyone i can just admit to having a horrid day, rather my fake smile is plastered on all day.

[NYCDoglvr]

I understand. The thing is nobody can get inside someone else's head; they can't understand. And unfortunately the word depression is used both by people having a bad day and those who are clinically depressed. My shrink knows what it means, certainly, but talking in therapy is not the same as communicating with a friend.

The only thing I know to do is to try to get out of my own head. Getting active changes my mood, even going for a brisk walk. I can't think my way out of depression but I can act my way out. In the meantime, it's one day at a time.

I don't think you're feeling sorry for yourself. It's very important to have family and friends understand. Unfortunately a lot of people don't have the type of family and friends who understand. And some are in situations where the family is part of the problem in one way or another.

[Perna]

Originally Posted by Lost Lamb

So she asked how I am? I said, I 'm just really depressed. Her answer was, so I'm depressed too and she went on to talk about something else.

It could be she's having problems herself and you are asking about something she is less able to deal with than you?

Talking about how lousy you feel doesn't really help anything does it? Yes, it would be nice to get the reply, "Oh, I'm so sorry, is there anything I can do for you?" but usually people who don't respond that way have their own problems, equally as obnoxious to them. There's no tit-for-tat/I scratch your back, you scratch mine reciprocity for relationships where one can keep score as to who is listening/responding as we would like and paying attention to us versus our paying attention to them.

You and your sister both had a similar upbringing where there was probably not great listening or communication skills taught? You might have to "teach" your sister to respond to you as you would like her to? She can't read your mind. She doesn't feel able to do anything about her own feelings (hence, the "so?" about her own feelings of depression) and it could be she does not enjoy listening to yours/talking about her own feelings. It's not necessarily selfishness on either of you all's part, just a mismatch.

Next time you call her, I would try to open with, "I need to talk to you about how lousy I'm feeling" (or about my depression, whatever). "How are you?" is more a greeting most of the time than a true question. I would not take it to mean the other person is asking the question or would make sure they knew I was answering a question, not just returning a greeting. "How are you/I'm feeling depressed/so am I" and changing the subject; I might have come back from her attempt at subject change with, "So?! I want to feel better, don't you?" and try to see if you could get a good, helpful conversation going on the subject?

No one but our therapists want to just listen to us all the time, most want to be part of something too and just listening makes me feel I'm being left out. Yes, sometimes when I feel really good and my friend/SO says something in a tone that implies they'd like a listener, I can catch it and reorient myself to listen but when someone calls on the phone, usually that means "conversation" to me and conversation is give and take.

[Ticli-Otops]

I don't think you're feeling sorry for yourself. I think what you're feeling is normal. So what? You're depressed. That doesn't mean you're feeling sorry for yourself. If your sister won't listen to you, and give you time to vent, find someone who will. I'm here if you ever need someone to vent to. I understand where you're coming from. I hope you start feeling better. <33

[Lost Lamb]

It's a new day! And I'm going to try my hardest to be positive in every thing I say and do. It's hard but I've got to get out of this soon.

[whimsygirl]

Originally Posted by George H.

I don't think you're feeling sorry for yourself. It's very important to have family and friends understand. Unfortunately a lot of people don't have the type of family and friends who understand. And some are in situations where the family is part of the problem in one way or another.

AMEN to this!!

[wpony]

I think friends and family dont understand how badly they hurt us with there words one of my oldest friends just about killed me with her words a week ago she caught me so off guard I think she was trying to help but they just dont understand. Just hang in there and if you really need her to talk to just try and sit her down when you 2 are not rushed and explain how her words hurt you and how much she means to you and that you need her.

[CgRgSm]

I'm sorry but the answer to your question is a difficult one to accept. Humans don't have the ability to ever fully understand each other. I see this all the time. As NYCDoglvr said, we can't get into someone else's head. We are ourselves, so naturally we are selfish creatures. This isn't "right" or "wrong", it is just how it is.

When you called your sister, to me it sounds like yes, she did have other problems of her own that she probably needs help with too. Everybody has problems of their own. Now, I don't even recommend that you accept what I am saying. If you are happier without thinking this, then go ahead, because when I accepted it I only became more depressed and lonely.

I see it every day. People want to see how much they can get for themselves y'know? People driving and inching-up past the cross-walk thinking its always gonna be their turn to get the green. People build up their own lives, its all we can really do. People don't just go around giving money to strangers do they? Sure, maybe that stranger feels terrible, and if the other person felt what they felt they would want someone to give them a meal, but would they? Really, the only reason why anyone ever does anything for anyone else is to get something in return.

Another example. ALL religion. Christians (well, many others too) believe that if they do good here on Earth, they will receive the reward in heaven. This life is all about getting rewards. There are endless examples of this.

For me, this is disgusting. Humanity is disgusting and I am not proud to be human. I think about stuff like this all the time and I'd like to think I take my mind out of my head, but really, it is impossible. Ignorance is happiness, just do what makes you happy, no matter what that is.