[Lovehurtacceptance]

I was doing really good for a few weeks I was happy modivated I was ready to do stuff. Hang out with friends or go out with family. But I seem to have fallen in the hole again. I feel like its not that deep yet. Like if I tried I could push out be happy for a while. But Im so tired of having to pick myself up again and again. Tired. I think of dying almost daily. Even if Im in a "happy" mood. Its always there in the back of my mind. Lingering above me taughting me almost. I know I wouldnt but. It almost sounds apealing. It would be so simple. But my friends and family they have been trying to keep my head up I would hurt them and let them down. But I wouldnt have to try anymore. I wouldnt have a inner pain that doesnt seem to go away. It never stops, it keeps coming back. I wish it would stop. Im tired of fighting it. Im suppose to go to the beach in the morning. But I cant sleep, I dont really feel like it. Sounds like a lot of work. I think I might just stay home.

[Turtleboy]

Please never give up, it can seem so pointless sometimes, but there is always hope. come on here and vent all you need to, we will always lend an ear. Your situation is so similar to those of other members. I'm sure the people here will connect with you in a lasting way. it is so important to talk out your feelings. you can beat this i know you can

[whimsygirl]

Originally Posted by Lovehurtacceptance

I was doing really good for a few weeks I was happy modivated I was ready to do stuff. Hang out with friends or go out with family. But I seem to have fallen in the hole again. I feel like its not that deep yet. Like if I tried I could push out be happy for a while. But Im so tired of having to pick myself up again and again. Tired. I think of dying almost daily. Even if Im in a "happy" mood. Its always there in the back of my mind. Lingering above me taughting me almost. I know I wouldnt but. It almost sounds apealing. It would be so simple. But my friends and family they have been trying to keep my head up I would hurt them and let them down. But I wouldnt have to try anymore. I wouldnt have a inner pain that doesnt seem to go away. It never stops, it keeps coming back. I wish it would stop. Im tired of fighting it. Im suppose to go to the beach in the morning. But I cant sleep, I dont really feel like it. Sounds like a lot of work. I think I might just stay home.

Hello lha....I'm so sorry about what you're going through. Your post goes right to my heart, because I have said the same words a million times, regarding the idea that "it always comes back". I have been suffering from depression for a very long time, sometimes very severe, and absolutely the hardest thing for me has been that. I realize that sometimes when you're in the darkest place there are times when nothing anyone says seems to make any difference, but still I'd like to put a couple of thoughts out there, just in case. I'm guessing they're not new to you, but still. Try, as much as you can, to take life one moment at a time. If there is a moment when you feel just a little better, try to treasure that moment, and take it as a sign that there is something other than sadness and despair out there. Remember that when you have all the bad feelings it is because you have an illness, not because of who you are. The depression demon is ruthless and plays completely by his own rules, he cares about no one.....and he is also extremely random. Many wonderful people are suffering from his antics, and none of us deserve this torture. Well, rambling on a bit here, but sending warm thoughts your way, and I hope some comfort comes to you as soon as possible...... ps....Hoping that you're talking to someone ~maybe seeing a therapist?

[Lovehurtacceptance]

Thank you to you both. I'm trying and I did go to the beach and I had fun. There were moments where I wish I hadn't gone and felt really upset. But I felt going in the end was a good thing. Also I am not talking to anyone like a therapist. I went once when i was feeling good so it didn't help much. I've been thinking about going back. But my parents think that I should just go to them. I have talked to my parents before but it's hard. To tell them everytime I'm upset, to wake my mom up when she is sleeping because I'm upset so I can't sleep. To say in the middle of something good that I don't feel like doing anything anymore because it hit me in the face and I feel bad. To even try to tell them that I feel like giving everything up. It would scare them I can't do it to them. It would hurt them too.and now I'm just going on but if your still reading this really thank you it made me tearry happy. Ive heard it all before but it's still very comforting.

[whimsygirl]

Originally Posted by Lovehurtacceptance

Thank you to you both. I'm trying and I did go to the beach and I had fun. There were moments where I wish I hadn't gone and felt really upset. But I felt going in the end was a good thing. Also I am not talking to anyone like a therapist. I went once when i was feeling good so it didn't help much. I've been thinking about going back. But my parents think that I should just go to them. I have talked to my parents before but it's hard. To tell them everytime I'm upset, to wake my mom up when she is sleeping because I'm upset so I can't sleep. To say in the middle of something good that I don't feel like doing anything anymore because it hit me in the face and I feel bad. To even try to tell them that I feel like giving everything up. It would scare them I can't do it to them. It would hurt them too.and now I'm just going on but if your still reading this really thank you it made me tearry happy. Ive heard it all before but it's still very comforting.

Thanks for your update, happy to hear that you had fun at the beach! Hmm, the situation with your parents as you describe it sounds like a bit of a challenge, gotta think on this one. But I did want to mention this idea, in case it's one you haven't thought of. Are you in school? I guess even if you are, maybe it's out for the summer? But anyway, I'll just put this out there....maybe as something for the near (?) future. Almost every school from grammar school up through college has at least one counselor on staff, so if this was an option for you, that might ~probably would be a way you could talk to someone if you're continuing to experience symptoms of depression, or you're not sure what's going on, but you're just not feeling "right". Just a thought. Hope you'll keep us posted, whenever you feel like it, about how you're doing.....