[Judeee1950]

I am here to try to explain my journey thru a major depression that has pulled me into the guts of hell, changed me, what I have done for treatments, how I responded to them, hope to be able to answer questions, and find ones that also reassure me that someone understands...

[Pink River]

I sympathize with you more than I can explain. Your post is me. I mean I am here for the same reasons, don't know where life is going, has gone, is going to be.....blah blah blah. Everything just feels so hard and like there is no hope.

I hope you can find what you need.

[Leed]

Depression is indeed a journey. I've been traveling that road for over 40 years. Depression and I have now come to an "understanding." I won't cry if it won't bug me. LOL The meds work quite well, so I'm happy.

But there was a time I certainly was not happy. But I'm not gonna go into that. LOL

I hope you find what you need here. This is a great place. God bless. Hugs, Lee

[Judeee1950]

I haven't written a full profile yet, but I was an RN and for most of those 40 yrs, was geriatrics, walking out of a home where I was hired to do catch up paper work since they had gotten multiple new residents when one nursing home closed, I really had no function or responsibility to the staff, but did watch, many things I didn't like, I came from working 22 yrs in a 300 bed nursing home which had all levels of care from retirement, assisted living, intermediate care, total care, and 2 units of skilled care...I felt I could contribute to make this home run and function at a much higher level, never happened, one day I walked out and that is the start of the "depression", 2003 I spent most of that year in bed, drank slimfast in the morning and gatorade at night (knew enough I had to try to keep my electrolytes somewhere near normal) my cousin came and would cook, so most days I did try to eat something, but lost alot of weight and became so weak I could hardly walk to the kitchen (small house, maybe 15 ft to frig) but decided I couldn't deal with this on my own so started treatment in 2004, I went to every specialist, councelor, pastor, prayed for, had hands laid on me...so many told me God will heal you, maybe so but the medical part of my brain said "no" He will help you learn how to live with it, well I must be a slow learner because I still struggle. I am trying to back off my medications to see how I would do, one at a time, slow withdrawl, all with Dr permission, I have been good not treating myself as to how I think I should take my medication (old nurses die hard), I had ECT treatments in 2006, that is a topic for another time. But look forward to finding understanding people with the same problems I have, I don't want any more advice, I know what I should do, and don't like being referred to as "crazy" (may be true in some ways, but not because of the depression), My opening statement...anyone please respond, for answers or questions, I need to feel I still have something to give...

[jelly-bean]

I KNOW you still have something to give. There are people like myself who have no where else to turn who come here looking for people who understand who can offer advice and caring. I know you don't want advice, but I'll take all I can get. Feel free to share.

[depressedalaskan]

I too have been on treatment for depression for years, started 2001. Been in the hospital 3 times, been on meds since 2002. Anyway my question is, how did the ECT treatments work? Thought about this many times but do not have the cash to get them. Are they worth the time and money? Thanks

[Leed]

Hi Judeee ! And welcome! i've been depressed since I was a small child. My parents didn't notice as they were too busy getting drunk. I had 3 sisters, and all of us have depression to some degree, but an older sister and I were hit the hardest. I've been in a mental ward, plus have been thru therapy off and on most of my adult life. I have clinical depression, so it will never go away. LOL I've been on meds for about 40 years. It has worked very well for me, and without it, I'd be in the pits of hell. I tried it once just to see how I'd do, and I'll NEVER do that again.

Finding a therapist that's good for you can be a challenge cause some are real jerks. Can you believe I was sexually molested by one?? That was a REAL shocker! It was a long time before I went back to therapy as I didn't trust anyone.

I finally found a FEMALE psychologist who was awesome! She helped me more than any man ever had. In fact she was the last one I saw, who told me I basically "graduated" from therapy and was good to go. LOL

I hope you find what you're looking for here. I wont give you any advice, but if you ever need any, just ask. God bless and take care. Hugs, Lee